Baby N turns One!!!!

Baby N turned a year old today!

Today was met with many emotions coming at me from every direction.

My heart was spilling over with happiness that I was able to share this day with my sweet girl.

It was however also filled with deep emotions that a year ago today I was not with her the day she was born.
I did not hear her first cry...
Wipe her first tear...
I didn't sing her to sleep, pray over her at bedtime or cuddle her when she was sad...
I didn't hear her first laugh...
I didn't go to her first Doctor visit and comfort her when she was scared...

In fact, I don't even know the lady that was able to do those things with N because she was with another foster mom.

Last Saturday I was able to meet with baby N's tummy mommy and ask her questions about her labor and how this day was for her 1 year ago.
My heart cried as I listened to her tell her story...and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and hug her.
My soul aches for Baby N's tummy mommy because I know this journey is a deep and painful one for her as well.
My prayer is that the love of the Father would be so rich and merciful that it would cover all of us during this time of uncertainty and transition.

Since meeting on Saturday we have been able to communicate over texts and she reached out to me yesterday for N's birthday! My hope is that even though this is difficult, she will see God's redeeming love and be able to have a relationship with me and N.


Although most of the day was filled with conflicting emotions...those feelings could not outdo the love and hope that I have for my sweet girl!

A year ago today I was not able to share in all her first moments, but from this moment on I hope to have the privilege to create special memories with my sweet baby girl.

Life is never quite like we would expect it to be....but there is always beauty in it!!!


Oh how He loves you and me!!!
Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to Me and I will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known"

Hey Mom!

Today after I picked baby N up from daycare I was putting her in her car seat and I asked her how her day had been. Of course she can't talk yet...but I looked in her big brown eyes and saw some tears starting to form...so I started to wonder what my sweet girl was feeling.

I also started to wonder what she might be thinking about daily.
This is my version of her thoughts.

Thoughts from Baby N

Hey mom, will you remember that even when you have a rough day at work...I have had a rough day at daycare! Will you be extra gentle with me and give me hugs?
Hey mom, I know you are tired and emotional, but I have to deal with impatient and tired teachers all day...so I need you to hug me and cuddle me when I am cranky. Even if I am screaming and you can't figure out why.

Hey mom, will you remember to pray with me before bed time. I can tell it makes a difference in the way I fall asleep. Your voice gets calm and it helps me to feel sleepy.

Hey mom, I know I am really slow...so could you be patient with me as I learn how to be a tiny human.

Hey mom, will you make sure to put your phone away during the hours of 5 and 8. I haven't seen you all day and I want to play with you and cuddle. I also just want you to hold me while I do absolutely nothing. Sometimes I am crying just because I want your attention mom.

Hey mom, please let me follow you everywhere! I feel safe when you are by me and I get sad and cry when you walk to another room. I am not being cranky...I just want to me with you mom.

Hey mom, can you please wake up faster at night when I am crying and I need a hug. I know you are sleepy...but I need a hug in the middle of the night.

Hey mom, can we take walks every night even when you are tired? I love to be outside...and I know you are sleepy sometimes....but I like to spend time looking around and exploring with you.

Hey mom, it is okay to cry when you don't know what to do. I don't know what to do either so we will learn together.

Hey mom, I don't like veggies.

Hey mom, can you please record the Thunder games since I go to bed early ;)

Hey mom, I know that I wipe my boogers on your shirt at really inconvenient times, but your shoulder is always in the right place at the right time for my runny nose.

Hey mom, I want to be held because that is how I love on you. I smile when you pick me up because I love when you hold me and kiss my face.

Oh and mom, one more thing....I am not old enough to buy you a Mother's day gift... so go get yourself a new pair of shoes from me!



I am sure every mother wonders what her baby is thinking from time to time. It is beautiful and at times overwhelming thing to know that the way we treat our children will shape who they are in the future. (gulp)
I fall short so many times and I have really learned so much about myself since baby N came into my life.
I love her and I love that children love with the most pure and innocent love. They hold no record of wrongs and just want to be with you.
I don't know what the Lord has in store for us...but I wake up each morning with joy knowing that I have one more day with my little love.

There is no sweeter thing in this world than the love of a child.

Oh how He loves you and me!!!!