Baby N turns One!!!!

Baby N turned a year old today!

Today was met with many emotions coming at me from every direction.

My heart was spilling over with happiness that I was able to share this day with my sweet girl.

It was however also filled with deep emotions that a year ago today I was not with her the day she was born.
I did not hear her first cry...
Wipe her first tear...
I didn't sing her to sleep, pray over her at bedtime or cuddle her when she was sad...
I didn't hear her first laugh...
I didn't go to her first Doctor visit and comfort her when she was scared...

In fact, I don't even know the lady that was able to do those things with N because she was with another foster mom.

Last Saturday I was able to meet with baby N's tummy mommy and ask her questions about her labor and how this day was for her 1 year ago.
My heart cried as I listened to her tell her story...and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and hug her.
My soul aches for Baby N's tummy mommy because I know this journey is a deep and painful one for her as well.
My prayer is that the love of the Father would be so rich and merciful that it would cover all of us during this time of uncertainty and transition.

Since meeting on Saturday we have been able to communicate over texts and she reached out to me yesterday for N's birthday! My hope is that even though this is difficult, she will see God's redeeming love and be able to have a relationship with me and N.


Although most of the day was filled with conflicting emotions...those feelings could not outdo the love and hope that I have for my sweet girl!

A year ago today I was not able to share in all her first moments, but from this moment on I hope to have the privilege to create special memories with my sweet baby girl.

Life is never quite like we would expect it to be....but there is always beauty in it!!!


Oh how He loves you and me!!!
Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to Me and I will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known"