I aint got no satisfaction...when I "satisfy the crowd"

Easter is one of my favorite days of the year!

It's a beautiful day that brings hundreds of people to church who don't regularly go; and it is more importantly the day that reminds us that we are free because of Christ's sacrifice on the cross.

Every year I read the story of Christ's crusifixion and pray that the Holy Spirit would reveal something new to me through the story. I also try to watch the Passion of the Christ each year.(it almost makes my skin crawl each time...but I force myself to watch it anyways)

Of course I always get very emotional as I read the story and I am reminded of what He went through for someone like me...

I am humbled to the point of weeping as I watch Him scourged for my sins...

A wide array of emotions flood my spirit as I replay His sacrifice for me; and I find myself broken and unspeakably thankful for His gift.

As I take time to dive into the story in the Scriptures I come to appreciate the power of the Holy Spirit to lead me and teach me new things from scriptures that I have read several times.
This year as I was reading in Mark 15, I came across a verse that I have read many times, but have never paid close attention to until now.

It says, " So Pilate, wishing to satisfy the crowd, released for them Barabbas, and having scourged Jesus, he delivered Him to be crusified."(vs.15)

The key words that jumped out at me were,
"wishing to satisfy the crowd".

As I read those words my heart began to ache.
You see, it was in those words that I began to see myself!

I have always thought of Pilate as an evil and hateful man who was unwilling to save my Jesus from death on a cross.
I have detested his actions and have held him more accountable for the death of Christ than any other character in the story.
I mean, I know that all of this was a part of God's plan...but I couldn't help but wish and hope every time I heard the story that somehow Pilate would not give in to the crowd!
As I read the story this Easter I began to see Pilate from a different perspective.
Now do not hear me say that I think he was right! I am not agreeing with him! What I am trying to bring light to is his need to "satisfy the crowd".
Those words were like arrows to my heart!
You see, so many times in my lilfe I have done the same thing to Jesus. I hopes to please my peers, employers, or even my family, I have turned my back on Christ and chosen my to please the crowd instead of choosing Him.
People pleasing can come in many forms.
Such as:
Not standing up for what is right because you are worried what people think...
Not taking a step out in faith because you are worried what people will say...
Not dressing modestly because you are worried people will think you are too rigid...
Not sharing Christ with people because you fear rejection...
Not staying pure in relationships because you are afraid of losing the person...

These are just a few examples of ways that we choose to please the crowd over simply choosing Him.
None of these can come close to comparing with what Pilate did to please the crowd; but I believe that we can use this example to remind us how damaging it can be to us when we seek to please the opinions of others.

It is not always easy to make the right decision. In fact, no matter how good your intentions or how hard you try, there still might be times when you choose the crowd over Jesus.
HOWEVER....
the most beautiful thing about our Savior is that He loves us anyways!
When Pilate washed his hands of Christ and sent Him to His death - Jesus loved anyways.
When Peter denied Him-Jesus died for him anyways.
When Judas betrayed Him with a kiss - Jesus forgave him anyways.

I challenge each of you to look at the areas in your life where you are seeking the approval of men and ask yourselves if it's more important than Christ's sacrifice...

Wherever you are at in your walk with the Lord know that He understands and lovingly waits for all of your heart.
He is patient...
He is kind...
and there is nothing He wouldn't give up for you!

Today, make the choice to quiet the crowd around you, and He will be all you need to satisfy your soul!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

CLOSED??? NOPE...just a detour

So I know I have been writing a lot lately...but I just can't help it when my brain gets to workin...
My mind get to thinking about things and it will almost explode if I don't get it out and share it with someone.
I am not even sure how many people read these blogs, but I know that it makes me feel better :)
I know I have already established from some of my previous blogs that I am a little crazy; so just to confirm that fact I am going to prove it by some of the silly things that I am about to reveal about myself. (if you do some of these things too...please comment and let me know so I don't feel so crazy)

One of the things that fuels my passion for writing is the ability to look at anything and see the brilliance and beauty behind it.

Some of the crazy things I think about are things like this...
I smell a skunk and marvel at the fact that its smell doesn't bother me; and yet so many people "claim" (still don't believe this) that it stinks. I don't get it at all...but sometimes I feel sorry for the skunk and want to write a story about what it would be like to be known to the world as big stinker!
I can see a broken limb hanging from a tree, and I start to think up a story in my mind that could help someone relate to feeling broken in their own life.
I will see men and women holding up signs that say, "will work for food",and I will begin to write their story in my head. I think up a story that would reveal why they might be where they are, and then in the end I always give them a triumphant finish!
This happens all through my day and I am flooded with all of these made up stories that I just cant help but share!

Today, I saw something that put a story in my mind...

I was on my way to work and I was in a little bit of a hurry, so I decided to take the back roads to get to my destination.
My radio was playing a good song,the windows were down and my fingers were tapping against the steering wheel to the rhythm of the beat.
I looked at my clock and realized I was really cutting it close to making it to work on time... so I decided to go a little bit faster.(I know I was wrong for speeding)(I was only going 5 miles over)...(I KNOW SPEEDING IS SPEEDING :)
anyways...
As I got a little further down the road I began to notice in the distance some big trucks and large road equipment sitting right in my way!
Of course my first thought was, "UGHHHH! I'm already running late!"
and then of course my second thought was, "UGHHHHHHHHHHH!"(actually that was a continual feeling I had as I stared at the road block in front of me)

As I neared the road construction I saw two big signs that said "Road Closed" and "Detour".

My third thought, "UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

I sat there for a couple of seconds trying to decide which way to turn since I was not allowed to go forward anymore.
As I sat there, my "story brain" started to kick in and I began to write a story for this situation.
(I even took a snapshot with my camera...its the pic posted at the top of the blog)

After turning left I began to think of all the times in my life when God has put a "Road Closed" sign on the path that I am walking through in my life.
I have had a lot of those signs placed in front of me...
I am just going along in life and for some reason God puts road block after road block in my path.
And after each one I think the same thing I thought today...
UGHHHHHHH!
It is never a pleasant experience when God places a road block in our path.
I mean, we know that in order to get to where we are going... going forward would be the quickest and easiest way to get there. It just makes sense...right???
But for some reason we are told to take a detour, or as it is also known "the long stinking way around", and find a different way to our final destination.

It's never easy to be stopped in our tracks. BUT...God knows the appropriate time to close a road in our life and take us on a detour that might be the long way around...but it will definitely be the road we need to take in order to get us to where He wants us to be!

Has God closed a road in your life lately?
Have you been on a detour for a really long time?


Wherever you are at on the road of life, just remember that you can safely set your life on cruise control and allow the Lord to take you home.

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

you can float like a butterfly but sometimes you gotta sting like a bee

OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

...and again I say......OUCH!!!!!!!!

I'm hurt! (picture me laying down acting very dramatic...acting like I am in severe pain. just kidding...but if you know me, you know that I would seriously do that :)

Don't worry it's not physical pain...... it's just my pride. (honestly though I think I would prefer physical pain sometimes than to have my pride stomped on)

I mean, it stinks when our pride gets bruised or beaten up. Especially when we aren't expecting it to happen.

That's what happened to me last night.

I was going along...enjoying life...thinking I was living in ways that would honor the Lord...when BANG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was hit unexpectedly by the sharp words of a dear friend.

The words cut deep to my heart because they dealt with issues that had to do with my character and morals.
The words of instruction and direction from my friend came out of left field!
I remember, after being confronted, my first thought was, "yeah right...you don't know my heart".
Then....my thought process turned to , "how dare you??????!!!!"
...and then..."WHATEVER....LEAVE ME ALONE...I DON"T NEED YOU TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!!" (as you can tell I was getting really worked up)

While I was thinking,my friend continued to speak calmly and lovingly to me about the issues that he felt needed to be addressed in my life.(I have to admit I was a little frustrated so it felt like he was hurling word bombs 100 miles an hour at my soul when in fact he was being very patient)
He didn't hold back from sharing things that might be uncomfortable for me to hear because he knew that even though it was uncomfortable for me, it was his job as a believer to share the TRUTH.

In my head I knew that he was telling me these things because he cared about me, but my pride started rise up inside of me and began to cloud my view of what he and the Lord were trying to do through this conversation.

My pride started to get the better of me and I began to get very uncomfortable. This caused me to start making facial expressions that obviously showed my frustration(awkaward moment) I know this because my friend stopped talking and suggested that we just pray together.
I was in such a shock that I honestly felt almost too embarrassed to pray.
Of course... I allowed him to pray over me, but again my pride did not want to allow my spirit to be softened.
I did not want to admit that he was right about where I was wrong.
I did not want to think that I could be doing something to make someone else stumble...
I was ashamed that I was unable to see this on my own.

But instead of seeing this as an opportunity for growth...I allowed my stinkin pride to get in the way!

I sat there listening to my friend share with me that all believers have a responsibility to go to their brothers and sistesr in Christ and lovingly remind them of God's TRUTHS.
He was not judgemental...
He was not harsh...
In fact, hours after our conversation was over I began to realize that the only person casting judgement during the conversation was me towards him.(GULP)
I was frustrated that he felt he could come to me and tell me that I was wrong.
The truth is that my friend never actually came out and told me that I was wrong. He just brought the TRUTHS before me and allowed the Spirit to do the rest.

The rest of that night I spent time alone evaluating my heart.

My friend reminded me of a verse in Proverbs 27 that says, "Faithful are the wounds of a friend;profuse are the kisses of an enemy."

The idea behind this verse is that our true friends will come to us and share truths, even if it hurts!

Sometimes as believers we can get stagnant in our walk with the Lord.
It might even be that we are fire for the Lord, but there are just a few things that need some fine tuning.
Thankfully, God gave me some great friends who are willing to confront me...even when its not easy.

I was reminded by my friend last night that its okay to float around like a butterfly at times; but we have to remember that if we love someone and are truly lloking out for their best interst, we have to be willing at times to sting like a bee.

Is there anyone in you life right now that you need to talk to?
Is there someone you love that could use a little direction?

Take it from me it will not be easy for them to hear;however, if you go to them in love and speak TRUTH...God will do the heart work!

OH how He loves you and me!

Mirror, mirror on the wall...ummm I don't think so!

Have you ever had one of those days when you look in the mirror and think, " ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" ?????(you know that loud scream that occurs in your brain)

I mean its not that you hate what you see(or maybe you do) but it's just that sometimes you are not very satisfied with the reflection that is staring back at you.

You start to put your makeup on...
you start to mess with your hair....
you begin to poke and prod on wrinkles and blemishes(I hate the word zit..yuck)

and then, before you know it...BAM! The stinking mirror has convinced you that you are not the fairest of them all!

I have to be honest and say that I used to listen to my reflection a lot!!!!

I used to think that the girl staring back at me really knew what she was talking about.
She was very good at convincing me that I just didn't look...well...good enough.

Not only did I have to deal with the girl in the mirror, I also had to deal with the hundreds of pictures, images and even friends that I felt looked better than me.
I am not going to say that I was in a constant state of comparrison; but I admit that there were at least 4 or 5 times a day when I would look at someone or something that would lead me to feel feelings of inferiority.

I mean why wouldn't I???

People were always telling me things like:
"you are so short! You could be a midget!"
"you have teeth like a rat"
"you have a different nose..." (and we all know what "different" means in that context)

There were several other things that I can remember hearing that didn't quite seem to match up with what I was seeing in the magazines or on TV.
And then every night and every morning I was geeted by the lady in the mirror who would affirm exactly what I had been hearing and seeing all day.

My reflection started to get harder and harder on me!
Until one day I gave her a pretty good stare down and literally told her to shut up!
(okay before you think I am a crazy person..which some of you already know I am crazy...just not crazy crazy(okay I am making this worse)I was just speaking out loud to myself if you didn't get that)
Moving on....

After so many years of trying to live up to a standard set by mere men and women, who themselves couldn't possibly even live up to their own standards; I finally had had enough!

I realized a few things:
1. my hair was never going to be bleach blonde(I'm half Persian....yep...blonde just aint gonna happen)
2.Acne is a part of life.
3.My nose is not small
4.I am never going to be tall(however I did look into leg enhancements..just kidding...but seriously)

There were several other things that I started to realize, and the reason for all of this was due to my understanding of true love.

For so long I thought I had to look the part for so many people..including my reflection.
It never clicked in my brain that I was trying to look perfect in order to gain the approval of people who were in fact imperfect themselves.
I don't mean that in a rude way at all; but I think it is important for those of us who struggle with trying to live up to someone else's standards to see that those standards are made by people who probably struggle just like us!
The people that we view as beautiful or better than us, probably look at someone else and wish that they could look like them too.

So on the day that I told my reflection to shut up, I had been thinking about all of this.
I mean...it just wasn't making sense anymore!
I was tired of trying so hard and never feeling better.

I began to read Scriptures on the way that God loved me and viewed me.
I began to focus on the fact that He was perfect and that He had no set standards for the way that I was supposed to look...He thought I was lovely! (even with no makeup on)
I wrote scriptures on sticky notes that helped to remind me of His love for me and placed them all over my mirror.

and little by little the image that I was seeing in the mirror began to change!
It wasn't easy at first...but over time I realized that the God's love and acceptance of me for who I was, was the only thing I cared to measure myself by anymore.

That "shut up" moment in my life happened two years ago today!
I wish that I wouldn't have had to struggle with those feelings for so long, but I know that He uses everything we go through to bring Him glory!
My hope is that this story will help someone else to see that God's love offers you something you something so precious!
It offers you the truth in knowing that you are beautifully and wonderfully made...no matter what!!!!!

Even if this is something you conquer there are going to be days where you feel down or upset( we are human)
But the important thing to remember is that God's love has the power to transform our minds and show us that in His sight we are priceless..NOT worthless!

Next time you look in the mirror and you hear your reflection screaming at you...
squint your eyes
purse you lips
raise your eyebrow
and say...
Mirror, mirror on the wall the Lord says I am lovely and that's all that matters!

I don't know where you at today or what you are struggling with...but I know that Jesus does.
Spend time reading in His Word about the way that He loves you and watch in amazement how His words can bring your heart comfort and unlock the chains of bondage to set you free!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!!!

Sweet Moments

Everything in life is so busy! Sometimes I don't feel like I can catch my breath. I am sure that pretty much everyone who reads this feels exactly like I do. From the time I jump out of bed in the morning until I crash land on my couch at night, I am constantly on the go! I am always running from place to place, and when I am not on the go I start to worry that there must be something I am forgetting! It's so crazy to me how many ways we can muti- task in order to make things quicker and easier for us. We have cell phones with Internet so we can call in reservations or call in food orders so we don't waste time ordering it at the restaurant. We have TV recorders so we don't have to waste time watching commercials. We have remote controls for practically everything so we don't have to get up and distract us from the several other things we are probably doing. We can pay for gas at the pump.... We can check out on our own at the stores... We can order things online... ...and we do all of these shortcuts so we can squeeze even more things into our schedules. Now don't get me wrong...I have come to love and appreciate all of these things. I own an IPhone and I use it for practically everything!!!! I guess the reason all of this hit me is because two weekends out of the month I have been taking care of the sweetest 87 year old lady...which pretty much keeps me in the house for three days straight. At first I thought it would be difficult, but I have come to appreciate the simplicity that a slower pace of life can offer. When I am at the house with her I get to spend time reading with her, singing old hymns or elvis(love him), and my personal favorite...listening to the stories of her children, grandchildren and her late husband. Today I went in to check on her and she wasn't in her usual sitting room. I walked through the house looking for her and finally found her sitting in the garage in an old chair. She had the garage door open and was enjoying the cool breeze. When she finally noticed me she greeted me with a warm smile and invited me to sit beside her. As we sat there together I took a deep breath and realized it was the first time in a long time that I had stopped long enough to just...well...to just stop. She placed her beautifully manicured hand on mine and told me softly that the chair she was sitting in was her late husbands work chair. She said that many times she will come out to the garage, find his chair and spend sweet moments reflecting on time that slipped away. That comment has been tugging at my heart for the last couple hours. ...sweet moments that slip away. I began to wonder if in the craziness of my life...have I let sweet moments with loved ones slip away???? I know I won't be getting rid of my IPhone or my TV, but I wonder if there are things that I can do to simplify life a little more. Taking care of my sweet Mama L has been such a blessing.... She has taught me so many things about life in the short amount of time that I have known her;however, I believe that one of the best things I have learned is to take time out of my day to just be still. Trust me....take a few sweet moments out of your day to just...be... still. Oh how He loves you and me

It Is Well With My Soul

I love old hymns! One of my personal favorites is called, "It Is Well With My Soul" Today, as I was sitting outside doing my quiet time, my mind started to reflect back to the lyrics of that song. When peace like a river attendeth my way; When sorrow like sea billows roll. Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say It is well with my soul. Those words kept swirling around in my mind over and over!!!!!! The last line especially began to resonate deep inside my heart. So much so that I began to cry..really hard. You know...the ugly kind of cry...eek! As I repeated that phrase over and over I began to wonder if I was just singing the words to sing them, or if I really believed what I was saying. The reason for my doubt was because in the midst of my current circumstances and all of the hurt I have seen in so many people in the last month, I wondered if it was all really well with my soul..... After returning from Africa I couldn't seem to wrap my mind around all the hurt I saw and then still confidently proclaim those words. Serving at the homeless mission and seeing the searing pain in the eyes of someone who has lost everything; I continued to struggle with the idea. As dear friends call me for prayer over situations and circumstances in life that are full of pain and loss; my mind questions how well all of this could really be with my soul. To be honest, I found myself admitting that it was not well with my soul, my heart, or any part of me. Period! I didn't even know I was feeling this way until I spoke to a dear friend last night about the loss of a loved one. In the middle of a tear-filled prayer I found myself thinking, "why does this have to happen to her" After we got off the phone my heart began to ache. I thought back to all the men, women and children I had met in the last month who were suffering. I had prayed, cried, and loved on them as much as I could; and yet I still felt so empty inside knowing that I couldn't take away their pain!!!! I have stared into the eyes of a child who has blistered feet from walking with no shoes. I have held a small girl whose face is covered in open wounds, which were due to the evil act of an abusive mother. I have held the hand of a woman who is weeping over the failures in her life that have led her to live in a shelter. I have offered the most tender hug I could give to a young woman whose mother had just died of Aids... For each of these people and many more...my heart aches! I have begged the Lord on their behalf that He would deliver them!!! Today, as I sat singing those words and wiping away tears of sadness and doubt; I began to feel His Spirit remind me of a truth that I was forgetting. He gently reminded me that it is not my job to fix the hurts of the people. IT IS HIS JOB! I am not able to heal people's hearts. ONLY HE IS ABLE!!! I will never understand why things happen. BUT HE KNOWS!!!! I realized that I was so burdened that I couldn't do more to help, and I was even starting to wonder when God was going to show up and deliver His children. I was frustrated because "I" was trying to fix things and because "I" wanted to take the pain away. "I" was obviously the problem! Thankfully the Spirit of God rushed over me and reminded me that "HE" was in control! He sees the hurts of His people and He knows the depth of pain they feel. His Spirit is upon the face of this earth reaching out to His children. We will always have pain and suffering in this world; but lovingly and graciously He left us with the help we need to make it through anything. I can't take away the pain, but I can offer love and compassion. He and HE alone will do the rest! I believe that that's what that song meant. In times of peace or in times of suffering He is teaching us. He is teaching us to say that even when things seem out of our grasp, HE alone is in control! And with that promise from Him I can assuredly say that with Him it is well with my soul. Oh how He loves you and me!!!!! (P.S. I didnt get to spell check this or the last blog...just letting everything know :)

Table for one please....

The dreaded phrase, "table for one"! YIKES! I have hated that phrase for so many years. It gets really old going to a restaurant and telling the host or hostess that you are only going to have one in your party; and then they ask the dreaded question... "would you just like to sit at the bar since its just you?" ummmm...NO! :) Seriously though as I have waited on God (not always with a great attitude I am sad to say) to bring the right man into my life, I have found it very hard to deal with the things of this world that were created for two or more. you know like.... sitting at church alone... going to the movies alone...(don't judge...a girl has got to go to the movies) not getting to ride a two seater bike with someone(hahahaha.. I wouldn't do that anyways...just threw that in there) and of course going to dinner alone. Maybe these things don't seem like a big deal; but as I have gone through my twenties I have found it very challenging not to let these things bring me down. That is until a couple of months ago :) At 29 years old( wow, that kinda stings to write that) I have finally come to a place where I am not happy about being single(I mean come on..what girl doesn't want a fantabulous wedding), BUT I have finally found authentic contentment in where God has me. It has been a long process to get to this point, but I can see now that the soul purpose of God allowing me to stay single for so long has been to teach me to be content in Him...no matter what! He wanted me to see that He is my portion! If God would have placed me in a marriage relationship a long time ago I would have never learned some valuable lessons, met some incredible people or gone to places that have changed my life forever. I wouldn't have been able to say this when I was 25, or even a year ago, but praise God I can finally take a look at my life and be satisfied with where God has me and trust where He is taking me. Do you have a situation in your life that you are waiting on God for? (if you are a human being then your answer will be yes :) Maybe it has to do with a job. Maybe it is the salvation of a loved one Maybe it is for your finances. Maybe its deliverance from an addiction Whatever it is that you are waiting on...remember that God holds your life in His hands! He loves you and wants what is best for your life! Allow Him to be your soul portion as you wait, and watch in amazement what He will do with your life. You might have to wait a long time...but just because you wait doesn't mean He doesn't care :) He knows what you need, when you need it :) Ephesians 3:20 says " Now to HIM who is ABLE to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us" This is our promise from God! He will do more than we can think up or imagine! (and boy can I imagine some great stuff) Whatever you are waiting for, I pray that you will begin to surrender it to God and allow Him to be all that you need. For everything there is a season! So for me, I am going to continue on the road and wait. It's not always going to be easy, but I know now that without learning to wait on God I can never fully rely on Him. Sooo until that day... this girl is going to happily be known as ... a table for one. Oh how He loves you and me!