Jump into His arms

I love when I find someone in the Bible I can connect with.

The old saying, "misery loves company" is so true!

We are all flawed and imperfect people.

No matter how hard we try to look and act perfect, the truth is that we are a big mess!

We want to be around people who are strong, but at the same time we need people to be real, authentic and transparent.

I think that is why I can relate to a man named Gideon.

I am not sure if you know this guy's story, but I bet it will be one that you can relate to.

Let me give you a little piece of his story....

Gideon can be found in the book of Judges(the Old Testament is pretty awesome by the way)

In Judges 6:12-13a it says that, " the angel of the Lord appeared to him and said to him, " The Lord is with you, O mighty man of valor." And Gideon said to him, "Please sir, if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us?"

The angel of the Lord was speaking to Gideon in an audible voice, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth was, "if the Lord is with us, why then has all this happened to us?"

Even as I read this passage and saw that the Lord had sent Gideon a sign, I still found more comfort in Gideon's response than in the fact that God had shown Himself.

I think it is because Gideon's response is much like my own so many times.

God shows up big in my life, and yet even in the midst of His miracle I find myself questioning Him.

It is not something that I am proud of...

In fact I pray every night that God would deliver me from any doubt that would separate me from Him...

But the reality is that sometimes in my humanness, I find myself swirling around in a sea of doubt.

Lately, for me, I have been worrying and doubting about surrending an area of my life to the Lord that I know He wants.

So it was very timely, and you might say a "God thing" that I happened on this story in the Bible at this time in my life.

As the story of Gideon continues he says, " Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father's house." (verse 15)

The Lord was calling Gideon to step out in faith and save the people of Israel. He was willing to come to Gideon in a mighty way and show Himself to prove that He would take care of everything; but all Gideon could see was his own weakness and he began to worry that he was not capable of the calling that God was placing on him.

When I read this I instantly felt all nice and warm on the inside. I was thinking," OHHHH YES if this guy can question and doubt then so can I!!!!"

And then....

I read on.

It says that, " And the Lord said to him, "But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man."(verse 15)

It is nice that I can relate to Gideon's doubt, worry and fear,but once I have connected to that I have to be willing to move beyond those feelings just as he did, and take the steps of faith to follow God.

No matter how unworthy I feel I am for the task.

As the story goes on Gideon questions the Lord two more times, but in the end he chooses to surrender and accepts what God is requiring of him.

Maybe you are in a situation like this...

Maybe it has something to do with your finances...releasing your grip and trusting Him with the results.

Maybe it has to do with a relationship in your life...

Maybe is has to do with your job....

Whatever it is, I hope that you will not beat yourself up for doubting or worrying,but will instead look at this story and find comfort in knowing that as humans we all struggle with doubt.

HOWEVER...my prayer is that above all, you will know that when the Lord is tugging on your heart to make a faith move, you will remember the faith and assurance of God's promise in this story.

I believe that it's His promise that will enable you to turn your fear into trust, and release your life into His capable hands!

Although it seems scary to jump....just remember, there has never been a time He asked you to jump and hasn't caught you safe in His arms!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

The weak will lead the strong!!!!

I have never know great loss in my life...

....but after serving in the homeless shelter downtown OKC and returning from Africa, I can now say that I have stared into the eyes of devestating loss and despair.

I have looked into the eyes of a dying man and offered him the only thing I knew to give...compassion and prayer.

I have wept and prayed with a woman who was about to lose her husband. I felt so inadequate as I looked down at her bowing her head in humbled silence...not able to understand the words I was praying over her.

I watched as one of her hands separated from a prayerful clasp and soon found a resting place on the arm of her dying husband.

Even in the midst of a prayer that was meant to offer her strength and endurance as she takes care of her husband in his last days; she extended her hand to her husband, lifted her face to meet my gaze and nodded in his direction in a gestured request for more prayer on his part.

I have never seen or experinced such tremendous strength.

I heard a song as I was driving to school today that said... "He uses the weak to lead the strong"

As I meditated on that verse I began to think back to this woman and her husband.

This woman who was seemingly weak and in despair was leading me to see Christ in a much deeper way.

I am not saying that I am strong...at all.

All I know is that that day as I sat in the little mud hut of a family who was about to lose everything, I was able to stare into the eyes of someone who was frail and beaten down by the circumstances of this world, and see how the weak can lead by the way they choose to glorify the Lord through their suffering.

She did not complain...

She did not tell everyone how bad her situation was...

She just humbly bowed her head, reached out a loving hand to her husband and smiled the most compassionate smile I have ever seen.

There were no words spoken between us that day because of the language barrier;however, the tearful glances that we shared and the gentle hugs that were offered spoke greater volumes than any words could ever express.

Praise the Lord that the Holy Spirit intercedes in moments like these and allows us to make deep connections that we would otherwise be unable to make.

The sweet face a a gentle stranger quickly became a face I will never forget!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

Samanthia

Her feet are tiny and cracked.

Her tiny hands hold a piece of apple that is dried out from the sun.

Can you see her....

Her legs are small, but they are strong as they carry her down a rock covered path.

Can you see her...

Her hair and face are covered in dust, but her smile shines through it all

Can you see her...

She is only two years old, but she knows how to get home in the dark...alone.

Can you imagine that....

Since I left Africa all I can think about are the countless children I met at the Maisha Orphanage.

I admit that one of the little girls(Samanthia) completely captured my heart. I find myself wondering almost hourly what she is doing.

I wonder if she has eaten...

I wonder if she has a safe place to lay her head...

I wonder if she will come to know Jesus one day...

...and in the midst of all of this wondering I start to worry. (how could I not...right??)

It gives me a brain ache!!!!

I want to fly over to where she is at and rescue her!

I want to take things into my own hands and go over there and save her. I want to save her from a life full of hardships. A life that will be scary at times. A life that will beat her down. A life that will not be full of all of the things she wants or needs.

As I start to evaluate what I am trying to save her from I realize that even if she were here with me she would still face the same things!

As I sit and think about my sweet baby, I begin to see that the most precious thing that I could do for her is to continue to show her the love of Jesus and eventually lead her to His saving grace.

I see the condition that she lives in and the things she has to face...and I admit that it is hard for me to trust her into the Lord's hands; but I know that ultimately His hands are the safest place she could be!

IT IS THE HARDEST THING for me to place her in His hands, but I have to believe that His plan for her life is much better than any plan that I could conjure up for her.

But this doesn't mean that I just sit by and do nothing to help.

I am starting a ministry to help the children and women of many African communities to have a source of light that will provide safety and protection as they walk from place to place. It might not seem like a big thing to some people; but a small light in the vast darkness can provide hope and endurance to continue on a journey.

My hope and prayer is that the flashlights I will send will be a representation of the light of Christ.

Although I can't physically be with Samanthia....I can send her a small ray of hope from a flashlight that will hopefully lead her out of the darkness and into the light of His love!

Please pray for the little children!

...and please pray for this ministry....

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us" Ephesians 3:20

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

Light in the darkness

As I lay in bed at night all I can do is think of my nights in Africa.

I close my eyes and I can see the faces of the little children that surrounded the orphanage just days ago.

I can hear their beautiful voices singing praises; and I can imagine their faces as they close their eyes and lift their hands to heaven in complete submission to Christ.

My memory is filled with tiny dirt-covered feet that are calloused from walking miles with no shoes. I can see small hands reaching out....

I carried so many of the children when I was there; but I didnt realize that I would continue carrying them even after I returned home.

I mean, I knew I wouldn't forget them, but I did not know that my heart would refuse to let go.

I know that when people get back from something like this they feel motivated and empowered to do something.

But I feel small...

And Africa is big....

I have heard it said that motivation has a 48 hour shelf- life. As I think about that statment I begin to wonder if the motivation I have to help the children I met will soon fall into that category.

So do I just keep the memories I made with the children, or do I do something to help now????

The needs that the people have in Africa are so great, and I feel so small; especially now that I am thousands of miles away from them.

I want to do so much to help, but I don't know where to start.

I want to make an impact, but I don't know what will help the the most.

All I know is that I have to start somewhere!

Because there are so many needs I decided to focus my attention on one need that I thought would benefit the people the most.

The need : LIGHT!

I decided on this because so many of the women and children walk miles at night in the darkness. Women carry small children on their backs as they walk through fields that are only lit by the light of the moon.

As I began to focus on this need, I began to feel insecurity creeping in again. I was afraid that the task I was setting out to complete would prove to be too hard to complete.

I wondered.... Could I really help????

Instead of trying to answer that question on my own, I decided to seek the answer from Jesus.(good thinking huh..... I know.. duh right?)

The answer I found was in Luke 14, verses 16-24

In this passage Christ is giving the parable of the Great Banquet. He is explaining that even though some may know about the banquet, they make excuses not to come.

We see this when He says,

"A man once gave a great banquet and invited many. And at the time for the banquet he sent his servant to say to those who had been invited, Come for everything is now ready. But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said to him, I have bought a field and I must go out and see it. Please have me excused. And another said, I have bought five yoke of oxen and I go to examine them. Please have me excused. And another said, I have married a wife, and therefore I cannot come. So the servant came and reported these things to his master. Then the master became angry and said to his servant, Go out quickly to the streets and lanes of the city, and bring in the poor and crippled and blind and lame. And the servant said, Sir what you commanded has been done, and still there is room. And the master said to the servant, Go out to the highways and hedges and compel people to come in, that my house may be filled. For I tell you, none of those men who were invited shall taste my banquet."

This portion of scripture really brought me to my knees.

The Lord reminded me from His own mouth that I CANNOT make excuses to sit by and do nothing more to help the people I met.

Serving people does not stop just because you are not with them anymore.

I must be an ambassador for the widows and orphans that I met in Africa.

Paul says in Ephesisans 6:19-20 that we should pray " for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak"

Paul tells us that He is ambassador for Christ.

This means that his mission is to be a voice and representative of Christ. He was called by the Lord to share the gospel in order to save people. No matter how hard his journey was, he was called to proclaim the message of Christ.

Paul was called by the Lord when a bright light appeared in front of him, telling him to surrender his life. He then became a light to the people that he met and for so many of us as we read the books he wrote in the Bible.

He was called to be a light in order to share the Light of the world!

As I really began to wrap my mind around that, I started to see that we could share the Light of Christ by giving the people of Africa the ability to have light!

On the last day of my visit in Africa I gave my flashlight to a woman who was about to walk 5 or 6 miles with a baby on her back...in the dark. When I gave her the flashlight her eyes began to fill with tears and she humbly bowed her head and said thank you. You would have thought I had given her a million dollars. But, I guess a small light in the vast darkness would definitely be a valuable treasure.

So...here is my idea.

I am going to start researching different flashlights and different ways that I can bring light to the darkness.

Please be in prayer as I begin this journey.

Pray that I find the right tools that will help the people.

Pray that I do not give up when things prove to be tough.

Pray that people will have open hearts, and the willingness to help.

The widows and orphans of Maisha Orphanage were a shining light that illuminated my need to step out of my comfort zone and be willing to help even beyond my mission trip. So, I believe that in return, I can send them a small light that will remind them that the Lord is faithful to provide even in the midst of darkness.

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

He is in control

Well it is exactly 12am....

It is now Thursday March 10, 2011 and I will be on my way to Africa in a couple of hours!

So far I have triple checked my packing list, walked around the house aimlessly(in circles), had three cups of coffee, and I am now officially bouncing off the walls!

I can tell a good nights sleep is on its way! :)

I have had several short conversations with the Lord tonight telling him about my fears...

you know like....

"Lord, please help me not to be afraid to use the potty on the plane"

"Lord, please protect me from big animals"

"Lord, please help me to not to have bad withdraws from lack of caffeine"

Yes, these might seem kida funny, but in all reality these are a few of the little things that I have started to wonder about.

As I began to think about these things, I realized how convenient and easy I must have things when I am spending my time worrying about caffeine withdraws.
Of course my heart is concerned about other things that will happen, but I was very humbled tonight as I realized that my concerns with these silly things were nothing more than selfishness!

The Lord called me several months ago to really make the effort to go to Africa and leave the comforts of home.

The Lord strongly confirmed this when I read in Isaish 58.
In this chapter Isaiah is talking about true fasting for the Lord. This spoke to me because I really wanted to be authentic in my service to Him and put myself in a position that might seem uncomfortable in order to obey Him.
In verse 7 -9 it says that, " Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry and He will say, "Here I am" ...."

The Lord promised right then and there that He would protect me as I went out to help those that were hurting!

So why have I been struggling with worry of small things tonight?

I guess its because we are all subject to worry and fear. The most wonderful thing is that our Lord is never afraid!
He is in complete control of our comings and goings and He can see ahead of us!
Fear always happens in our lives when we feel like we have lost control.

When we dont have control of our future because of circumstances, we worry what will happen to us.
When we dont have control of our health, we worry about how we will turn out.
When we cant control a situation, we worry how things will align with the plans we have made.

SOOOOOO
maybe if we release that control into the Lord's capable hands, we wouldn't worry so much.
The Lord does know that we will worry...He uses those times in your life to cause you to draw closer to Him;but He doesnt want you to live in worry!
Because we want control of our lives we have a hard time releasing our plans to Him...but if He knows better and He sees beyond what we can see...then why shouldnt we just trust HIM???

I struggle with this just as much as anyone else....but this trip is really teaching me about releasing my grip to Him.
I didnt realize I would learn so much before I even set foot on African soil!

I want to encourage each of you to seek out the areas in your life where you feel you have no control. Is that lack of control causing you deep worry and fear?
Be honest with God about it (He already knows anyways)

Whatever area you feel you have no control I promise that you will find those are the areas you spend you time worrying about.
My prayer for each of you is that you would find a way to slowly release your grip on the control you are holding and allow the Lord to take control!
I promise He is much better at the control thing :) (trust me...I am learning the hard way)

Whatever you are going through or dealing with in your life right now....just know that Jesus longs to help you!
He created you and He is working everything out in your life for the good!

I will be praying for each of you while I am away!
I love each of you in a special way and I look forward to telling you about my journey!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!!


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