Mama...oh my!

Tonight as I was giving baby N her bath she looked up at me and said, "Mama".

N has been saying "mama" and "baba" and little words here and there for several weeks.
I never really thought she was calling me mama...until tonight.

Tonight as she was sitting in the bathtub giggling about the bubbles she looked up at me...handed me a toy and said mama.


Something was different about the way she said it tonight.
 It was like her words finally connected to the meaning of what she was saying.

So of course...I cried. :)

I cried for a couple reasons.

I have always dreamt of being a mom. Like most girls I played house when I was little and planned out the names of my future kids.
As the years went by I watched as all my friends began to have children.

In my mid-twenties I began to get a little nervous that I was never going to have children of my own.

When I turned 30...well I thought that was soooo old and just started reserving myself to the idea that I would probably die alone. (hahaha! it was painful to face at the time...but funny to look back now and see how dramatic I was about it all)

After about a year of praying, seeking and letting go...I found myself in a season of rest.
I found rest...even in waiting.

I wouldn't say the longing or the ache to have children went away...I just realized that if I rushed God for something that was out of His timing I would never be able to enjoy life.

If I would have rushed God...I wouldn't have baby N.
Just two short years after my dramatic moment of feeling like my life was incomplete...a tiny baby girl looked up at me with her big brown eyes, bubbles in her hair and called me mama.
So worth the wait.


The second reason I cried...

When I heard that sweet baby girl call me mama...my heart was happy and sad all in the same moment.

To know that a child born by another woman calls me mama is a deep emotion to carry.

If this leads to adoption...will I be good enough for her?
If I adopt and never get married...will she be okay without a daddy?
If I get married one day...will he love her like I do?
if....If....IF!!!!!

Sometimes the voice of worry in my head tries to drown out the truth in my heart....

And the truth in my heart says that all I can do each day is love this little girl like she is my own, tell her that she is loved and be her mama until the Lord reveals His plan for our lives.


As a foster mom that cherishes being called mama...I can only imagine what our Heavenly Father must feel like when we call out to Him!
We are all adopted and loved!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!
Jeremiah 33:3

My first month with N

Well tomorrow makes one month that baby N has been with me!

Let me tell you it has been an amazingly wonderful adventure!!!

I love this little girl in a way simple words on a page can't express.


I have learned so much through this journey and I thought I would share just a little bit with everyone.

One of the biggest things I have learned from N is that LOVE is definitely an action.
I didn't realize how much physical activity goes in to caring for a little human!
Some of these physical activities include...but are not limited to:
Getting out of bed at unusual times to check on her...
Bending over countless times to pick up toys she fumbles and drops...
Mastering the "reach behind arm move" from the front seat to the back seat of the car to grab a bottle...
Dancing to music to play and make her laugh...
Taking long walks to get her out of the house for a change or scenery..
Jumping up quick and sprinting over to grab her before she pulls, grabs or knocks something over..
and rocking her to sleep (MY FAVORITE)

I am learning that when you love someone you WANT to do things for them even if it is not always the most fun thing you could be doing.

I have also learned a lot about myself.
Caring for her has really made stop and reflect on areas in my life that I need to work on for her sake...and mine!

Caring for a little human has really made look at how patient of a person I am.
YIKES!
If you know me at all you will know that I am always early, I like to get things done fast and I don't have much patience for people that don't have that same attitude. ( I know that sounds bad...but seriously...hurry up people!)
Well... now that I have an 11 month old I am learning how important it is to have patience in every of life. Babies do everything in "snail mode" so I have learned to just be patient and find the beauty in the moments that I have with her. If I try to rush through everything in life then I miss out on the special times I have with her.

Our first month has had so many great moments and I wish so bad that all of you could see her sweet little face!!!
Please be in prayer for us in the next couple months as the opportunity for adoption will be presenting itself.
There are so many variables to this equation, but I am trusting that God has complete control and I  will prayerfully leave it in His hands.


If anyone reading this is considering fostering or adoption...I want to encourage you to take the steps to move forward! Make the choice to care for someone that needs love!


We are all adopted sons and daughters of a Father that loves us and chooses us daily!
Oh how HE loves you and me!!!