Honesty...Honestly

I am going to be really honest in this blog. (oh brother)

Sometimes as a Christian it is hard to be honest and transparent about struggles and battles we face...because sometimes we want to uphold an appearance or seem stronger to people than we really are...or we are afraid we will be judged by people for goodness sake!

I want to be honest though...
I want to be transparent with battles and reality because I believe that if I don't then how in the world could anyone relate to me...
God has been teaching me through His Word and through people that I have been talking to that we have to be open and honest about the battles and at the same time share the open and honest truth about the victory we can find with God's help to overcome them.


So here we go...

One of the things I struggle with is the back and forth game of trying my hardest to follow the Lord.
Let me explain...
I really want to do all God has called me to do. Sincerely I do...but there is so much of the world around me that sometimes I drown out God with those things.

I know this might seem small to some of you (and it is not my biggest struggle) but I wrestle with watching regular TV shows that would be appropriate for my heart and mind. I have been watching Greys Anatomy for YEARS! I love the drama, intensity, love stories and the plot that always seems to unravel and catch me off guard! (if you are into TV dramas you get what I mean when I say "jaw dropping plots")

However, each time I  would watch it I would feel the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit telling me that this is not good for my heart and mind. There are some very inappropriate messages that are conveyed on the show...some very inappropriate scenes that are shown and some language that should not be used.
So why do I continue to watch it...?
To be honest...I like it!
Our nature is pulled to things like that! Why do you think reality TV shows with drama, sex and violence are so big now days...because our nature is attracted to those very things.
As a Christian though...when we ask Christ into our hearts to save us and change us from our old ways...we are taking on a New Nature...His nature!

For a long time I used to think that it was a burden to try and always be perfect and not do anything that was worldly so I could stay in tune with what God called me to do...

I felt like I had to be so careful and I was accused of being "legalistic" when I would give things up. (I hate that word by the way...) It felt like I couldn't win!

I am going to be real with you...it was weighty and I always felt guilty when I failed to live up to what I knew God wanted me to do.
Over time and after looking back I have recognized that I was doing it all in my own strength and I was doing it begrudgingly.

Kind of like if you have ever begrudgingly bought a gift for someone you love but you do it out of anger and frustration instead of love.
Your heart is not in the right place.

For me...what I realized is that my heart was never in the right place. I felt like God was asking too much out of me.
I live right...
I help people...
I serve faithfully...
I give and tithe...
So why would He ask me to give up something as simple as watching certain TV shows?

In the end God has shown me that He wasn't asking me stop those things to make my life harder. He gently and lovingly asks us to stay away from those things because He knows that it will protect our minds and hearts!

When I realized that... I started questioning if this show was really good for my heart and mind...
Instead of looking at it like God was trying to take something away I began to see it from a new perspective...God was trying to lead me away from things that would not lead to my Joy.
The show is entertaining...but is it beneficial for my heart?
The answer is NO.

Maybe you don't agree and that is okay. If I would have read this blog three weeks ago I would have disagreed too.
I still struggle with things that God is asking me to stop or start...I just wanted to post this to share with others and remind myself that when God calls us to do something it is to lead us to greater joy...even if for a short time it seems painful!

Maybe you are wrestling with some things that you feel God nudging you to move away from...
Maybe it is an addiction to something...
Maybe it is to stay away from a relationship...
Maybe it is how you spend your money...

He might even be calling you to step forward in an area...
Maybe to move forward in an area of ministry...but you are afraid.
Maybe it is to move forward with a job or a move...
Maybe to be more active and exercise more for your health...
Maybe it is to spend more time with your kids..
Maybe to start a new relationship that God has set before you but you are scared...

Whatever or wherever you feel like God is leading you I pray that you would surrender to His call.

It is not always easy...but it will lead to Joy!


Matthew 11:29-30 are words from Jesus that says, " Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Oh how He loves you and me!

Adoption

Baby N

I have been asked a lot of questions lately about my decision to foster and adopt baby N. So I wanted to answer some of the questions in my blog.
To start, I do not mind the questions. In fact, I love when people ask questions because it is an opportunity to share with others what God has done in my life through this little girl.

One of the most common questions that people ask me is...."aren't you single?"
I am not sure what their mindset is behind that question, but most of the time people seem confused when they ask this....kind of wondering why I would do this as a single woman.
My answer each time I am asked this is, "Yes...I am single." I then go on to unpack the statement by explaining that when God calls you to do something you better not question what He has asked you to do. Of course sometimes you step out and your are fearful. I know I was at first. I went from a single 31 year old woman with what I thought were responsibilities at the time (if you are a parent you get that statement) to having a 9 month old in a matter of days after accepting God's call. I am sure all parents can relate to the fear of not doing something right...or raising them right...or giving them enough. My fears were...will I be able to let her go if this doesn't lead to adoption? Will I be able to be a mom and dad and do it well like so many other single parents? Will I be able to provide for her if this does lead to adoption?
In the end the choice to move forward and obey God's calling was clear. No matter how many fears I had I knew that it was safer to be in God's will then to walk away because of fear. I learned a big lesson through being obedient. I learned that just because we follow God's will does not mean that the fears will instantly leave. You have peace in knowing that this is right choice...but you have to daily lay your life and heart before the Lord to ask Him for peace and guidance through the journey!

Another question people ask me is, "don't you want to have your own?"
Now...I understand why people would ask this question, but I humbly present to them that the although I did not carry N or give birth to her...if the Lord blesses me and allows me to adopt this sweet baby she will be my own. I would simply like to say that if God chooses for me to have more children then I will be open to His call in whatever manner He brings them to me!

Do you think it is going to be harder to find a man that will accept this "situation"?
 (I laugh a little on the inside when I hear this one) Well... first of all this is not a "situation"...this is a blessing. If any man considers it anything less than a blessing he is just not for me. Nothing at all against the guy...some people are not called to this path. And that is okay. We all have different gifts and are called to different things. But if a guy is interested in me and understands my heart and passion to live out the calling that God has placed on my life then he will walk alongside me in this journey.
I think we sometimes forget that Jesus was adopted. Joseph chose to adopt Jesus as his son when Mary had him and lived as his earthly father. I find comfort in this because Joseph chose to walk by Mary's side and took Jesus in as an adopted son! Had he chosen a different path he would have missed out on Jesus!  I want to remind people that ask me this question that I believe my purpose in life is not to be married or have children. It is to live out what God wants for me...and I believe that in doing that everything else will fall into place. If that means to live single and adopt 8 or 9 babies (whoaaaa just kidding) then that is what I will do. If that means get married...then I know and have faith that God will bring a man that has the same desire to live serving and caring for orphans.


 My choice to adopt baby N has taught me so much about the beauty of God's grace and redemption. I look at my salvation and adoption into the family of God in such a different light now. We are all adopted sons and daughters of a loving Father and I am so thankful that God chose me to love and care for N.

Oh how He loves you and me!!!







Wanting more...

I have found that on a daily basis one of the hardest things in life is wanting more...

Maybe not everyone is willing to admit this...but it is such a common theme in society today.

We want more money....
We want a husband or a wife...and when we get that... we want more out of the relationship.
We want more for our kids and we fear not giving it to them...
We want a better job...
We want a better home....
We watch reality TV shows and wish we had more like the people in the shows...

We get so caught up in the "I want more" life...

I will be the first in line to admit I struggle with this problem.

Here are just a few of mine...

I worry that as a single mom I won't be able to give baby N all the love she needs.
  I want more for her. I want her to know the love of a dad and feel the safety, security and protection that a father offers...

I want to eat carbs without gaining weight for goodness sake!!! (okay come on...I had to throw that in there)

I want more money to take care of college savings...and diapers...and diapers...and well if you have a toddler...you know diapers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want successfully serve in ministry, be a good mom, thrive in my career and find time to exercise and invest in the lives of my family and friends.

I also want to learn how to cook...and by cook I mean cook something that tastes good :)

So how do I get past all the "wants" in life...??
I mean...it is not like they are bad wants....right?

 What I have been learning as I seek out God's plan for my life is that the "wants" in life can't compare to the blessings that He has given me.
Maybe that sounds like a "church" answer...but I ask you to take 5 minutes and focus only on the blessings you have in life.

Here are some of mine...
I have been waiting for 32 years to be a mom...and out of God's faithfulness in a few short weeks I will hopefully be the mommy of a little girl!
 I have an amazing job that gives me the flexibility to take care of my little girl..
I can see and hear and smell and I am don't struggle with health problems like so many other have to do on a daily basis...
I have a great family and I am the prettiest one in the family ( #truthhurts)

 There is an old song that I used to sing in church. I think it was called "Count Your Many Blessing" and it says, "count your many blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done". 
I know that in the really hard times of life it can be so difficult to think on the blessings of life...but those are the very moments that if you reach down deep inside and remind yourself of a couple things God has blessed you with...you can begin to drown out the darkness and let the light of hope shine through!

I heard it said one time that comparison is the thief of joy. This statement is so true...especially in a day and age when we all paint our lives as a pretty picture on a social media canvas. We see what other have and we find ourselves wanting more...

 My prayer for myself and for anyone who reads this is that you will begin to find more in the blessings you have and promises God has for your future.

 I am not sure where you are at today or what you are hoping to have more of...
but I encourage you to count your blessings...name them one by one and see just how much you have been given!

Note: A great Scripture that I read for moments or seasons like this is
"But my God shall supply all your need
according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus"
Philippians 4:19 (KJV)


Oh how He loves you and me