Great things in store!

A year ago.




Just a little over a year ago I was waiting to find out if Nylah Elizabeth would be my forever love.


I was praying for God's will to be done in our lives...even if that meant that our journey did not lead to adoption.


I remember the agony of waiting to hear from my case worker....
I remember treasuring each moment I had with Nylah...just in case it was my last.
I remember the struggle of wanting to keep her...but also resting and finding peace that if she were to go back to her birth mommy that God would allow my heart to heal.




Little did I know then that God would open all the doors for us to be together forever just a few short months later!






I remember during those months clinging to the my life verse. It is found in Jeremiah 33:3. It says, " Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and hidden things that you have not known."
  This verse was a daily reminder that even though I was living in a season of waiting and confusion...that the one assurance I had was in knowing that I could call on Him.
I could put my trust in the Creator of the Universe and know that He had my best interest at heart!


God taught me in that time if He were to close the door that I would have to find peace in Him and for Him to be enough.




I had to accept His will.
Not what I wanted.
Not what I thought was best.


I had to accept that whatever God did or didn't do...I was going to have peace in knowing that it was best for my life! (now that doesn't mean it would have been easy if things would have turned out differently)


Has God closed the doors to plans in your life that you thought for sure where meant to stay open?


Do you struggle in understanding what God has planned for your life?


Whatever season you find yourself in there is one thing you can know...God wants to use this time to draw you closer to Him! He wants to show you that His plans and His ways are so much better and greater than you can imagine!
Just like a parent protects their child from harmful situations by closing doors to rooms that might not be best for them to go into...God does the same for His children!


Don't focus on where you are at right now. Focus on what God can and will do with your life!


I never would have guessed that fostering my little baby girl would lead to adoption...
I never would have believed that I would be a single mom...
I never would have known I could love a tiny human this much...




But God knew.


He knows your story.
He has great things in store!!!
Trust Him.
He. Cares. For. YOU!!!!




Oh how He loves you and me!

My daughter...a daughter of the King!

Tonight as I was looking into the eyes of my daughter as I rocked her to sleep...I started to think about what she will be like when she is older.


Will she be goofy and funny...
Will she be an athlete...
Will she love going to the mall and getting pedis with me (I HOPE SO)...
Will she like to read...

As I thought about those things I knew that there was no way to know the answers. Those were all possibilities for her life...

As always...my mind started to drift to the heavier things that she will definitely have to face...

She will know insecurity...
She will know and face rejection...
She will face loss...
She will deal with hurt and fear and pain....

As my mind started to think on these things I held her tighter...
My eyes started to fill with tears at the thought of my tiny girl experiencing so much in her life.
Things that I can't protect her from.

As a mom my biggest fear is knowing that one day my baby will have to struggle in this life and I won't be able to do anything about it.

After she feel asleep I took her into her room and prayed over her.
As I prayed God's Spirit gave me a gentle reminder. This is what I heard Him say...

Nylah will face pain...but I am greater!
Nylah will face rejection...but I will help her overcome!
Nylah will face fears and doubts, but I will reminder her of who I AM!
Nylah will know insecurity, but as she leans into Me I will teach her that My love is greater than man's love.
Mechel...you can't protect her from this world, but you can prepare her for it by teaching her about Me!

There is no way that I can shelter Nylah from all the scary things the future holds. But I can teach her to love God, do good to others and walk in His ways.
The storms of life will come, but with the Lord's help she will overcome!

Oh how He loves you and me!
For all you ladies check out this video! You are a daughter of the King!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWi5iXnguTU

Unlocking the Bible's Power

When I started following Christ the Bible was really confusing to me.

I would hear Christians say all the time, " Just study the Bible and God will give you answers".

I thought...sure!!!!!!! (major sarcasm)

The Bible was full of confusing stories that really didn't have much to do with me.

I mean seriously...Jonah and the whale... (rolling my eyes here)

Beyond the crazy stories I just didn't get how I could hear from God and how He could direct me concerning the things I was facing in my life.

I would try over and over to read Scripture...but I would find myself lost. (just being honest here)

One day I happened to read an article on study/commentary Bibles and how they help you to read and understand the Bible better.

I decided to purchase one to see if it would help offer me some guidance.

A commentary Bible offers commentary at the bottom of each page in the Bible to help you understand and break down the verses you are reading.

For example...
Did you know that the book of Romans was written by Paul when he was probably on his 3rd missionary trip to Corinth...
Romans is actually a letter that Paul wrote to the Christians churches in Rome.
Paul actually delivered the letter to a woman(Go Women!!!), by the name of Phoebe, and commends her for her help. (Romans 16:1-2)

The commentary part is on the bottom

These are just three examples of how a commentary can help you to unlock some of the history and background of the Bible.

For me, that was really helpful in understanding the Bible better.

As I began to study with the commentary I found myself glued to the pages of Scripture just digging for more and more about what God did and how He wanted to reveal Himself to me.

I spent time researching what words meant. You know...those words like "propitiation" and "intercessor" and "transgression". I know I rehearsed those words for years as a child in memory verses...but I never really knew what they meant or how they applied to me!

As I did this the Bible and it's meaning started to leap off the pages.

I read verses like, " Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. I Corinthians 12:9-10

I would refer to this verse for strength and a reminder at how I needed to act when I was struggling with a difficult person at work. I would be reminded of the fact that as a follower of Christ we are held to a standard and to show others Christ's love!

So God was using the words of Paul to remind me how I should live and love now!

I know this might seem like a simple thing to some people...but I have heard so many people say that they struggle with knowing how to hear from God in the Bible.

There are so many different ways you can study, but I thought I would just write about what works for me in hopes that it helps someone to find a way to better connect to the Creator of this Universe!

His Word is so full of promises for our future...
It covers how we should live and walk and...how we should love others!

I encourage you to get a commentary Bible and see if it helps you to dive deeper!

He has so much He wants to tell you!

Oh how He loves you and me!

My thoughts on the Jenner topic...(fyi..long blog)

I rarely post anything on a controversial topic in the media because so much of my heart can’t truly be expressed in a post or blog…and I don’t want to confuse or distort anything on important topics. Especially when it has to do with someone’s life.

But…I have been so torn up about the Jenner topic for so many different reason that I felt I had to do my best to share.

Yesterday when I saw the Jenner photo for the first time…the first feeling I felt was sadness. Not just for what Jenner is facing, but for what I knew was to come from people in the Christian community. I knew that the hearts of so many would be affected. People who follow Christ and people who don’t.

I knew that there would be a lot of people in the religious world who would be coming at Jenner with love and peace and prayer…but I also know and saw people’s anger, hate and disgust towards Jenner.  My biggest fear was that people would focus so much on attacking Jenner instead of sharing their views and opinions (in a way that is respectful) on the topic… and they would allow their anger to negatively affect the way that God has called us to love.

I truly believe with all my heart that we can represent the message of Christ by walking and speaking in love!

Now...don’t hear me wrong!!!  I will stand up for my faith and stand firm on what is true based on the Word of God...but that does not mean I have to attack another person to prove God’s truth is right and sovereign. God has done that already.

We should share our beliefs!

We shouldn’t just agree with everyone.

We don’t have to go with the flow of society.

But I do believe we have to present the message of God’s Word with love, boldness, tact, strength, courage and hope without attacking someone.

We can use this opportunity to show the world God’s love by speaking in love and kindness about the situation.

After all, as followers of Christ we believe that kindness leads to repentance right? (Romans 2:4)

You might be angry. You might be experiencing a number of things, but the last thing the world needs is for people who call themselves Christians to speak out in hate, anger and disgust towards a person.

Paul tells us in Ephesians 6:12 that, “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.”

Attacking Jenner is not the answer.

Speaking out boldly about God’s Truth and Love and getting on your knees in prayer is the answer!

 We can speak out all we want, but how much time are we devoting in our own personal prayer time for the healing and restoration of God’s people?

Are you praying about it as much as you are speaking about it?

Also, remember that we have all fallen short and need God’s grace, love and mercy!

I know personally that there was a time in my life that I was living in a way that did not represent what I confessed I believed.

So many people came at me. They said hateful things to me. Told me I was disgusting. (I could go on and on)

When people came at me like that it shut me down. I didn’t want to have any part of a faith that made me feel like I was dirty and sinful and bad. When they talked to me that way all I could think was, “well they are making feel awful…how could that be a loving God…”

It wasn’t until I lived with my little sister who walked in the true love of Christ that my life changed.

My sister prayed for me on her own.

She never forced me to believe or made me feel ugly or dirty.

She would share with me at times that she thought for my own well-being that I should think about making some changes...but she never made me feel bad for not making them.

She poured her life into me and built a relationship with me so she could start sharing with me what God was teaching her and showing her.

Because of that authentic love and faith my heart began to see something different in her. I didn’t see religion…I saw Christ.

Her loving and gentle approach didn’t change her bold stance and her standards…

What it did change was my heart and how I viewed Christ.

I began to see that Christ loved me for who I had been and who I was...and He ultimately wanted me to have a changed life for my good!

I believe this is what the world needs to see more of!

Of course there will be people that read this that will think by not getting angry and protesting and speaking out in hateful remarks that we are just condoning things of the world.

That is not the case at all. Be angry, be vocal, be strong and do not waiver…but spread the message of God’s love that will lead others to Him!

I Corinthians 13:1-2 says, “If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”

Speak out in love and be devoted to pray for our world.

God has the rest under control!

“Behold I am coming soon, bringing my recompense with me, to repay everyone for what he has done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the first and last, the beginning and the end. “ Revelation 22:12-13

 

Oh how He loves you and me!

Needs

¹⁹ And my God will supply ^[a]all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

 I don't know about you...but reading God's promises fill me with so much hope!

There are so many things in life that can weigh us down...but God's Word always reminds us that His sovereign hand is in control.

So many women have emailed me lately asking for prayer...or just needing to talk about difficult situations in life and all I could share with them is the same verse that I read from Scripture when I am feeling overwhelmed.

Philippians 4:19 reminds us that God will supply all our needs.
It will be in His timing though and that is where faith plays a big role.

Sometimes we lose hope because we don't have our needs met when we expect it or the way we expect it...but we have to have faith that God's timing and His plans are PERFECT!

Where are you at today with needing God to meet your needs?

Are you struggling with providing for your family?
Are you struggling with making everything work in your home and at work?
Are you struggling with your weight and staying on track?
Are you struggling with needing God to meet a health need?

I talked to a friend today and she was so burdened by her job that I felt God calling me to write this blog as a reminder to her, anyone who reads this and myself that God is faithful!
He loves us and His desire above anything else is for us to seek Him.
As we do that and draw close to Him during the waiting...we will find peace and rest until the time comes when our needs are met.

Don't lose heart friends!!!
God. Is. Faithful!

Oh how He loves you and me!

Truth be told...

     A couple weeks ago I was talking to a friend and she told me that people on

social media typically only show the "pretty" parts of their lives and not the messy...hard...rough and completely exhausting parts of life.

So in an effort to post something about my life that is more real than pretty...I decided to post a picture of my living room...just the way it is ... (yes...that is the foot board of a bed up against my window...long story) 

I was going to take a picture of my kitchen...but...well...I am not that real!

 

Truth be told I never realized how much of life we try to make look good for others.

 

Truth be told being a working mom is HARD. The emotional stress that comes with leaving your baby at daycare all day is a taxing and exhausting on someones soul.

 

Truth be told trying to figure out how to manage a home, family, budget, laundry, work, travel, potty training, ministry, potty training, potty training....for Heavens sake POTTY TRAINING!!!

 

Truth be told the emotions of being a single mom are way more than I expected.

 The tears she cries, the first experiences she has, the worry and burden of providing for  her, if I want "me" time I have to pay a babysitter for it, raising her to love Jesus deeply, caring wholeheartedly for others, potty training, DISCIPLINE, teaching her new things...and many more things that cause deep emotions to rise up.

 

Truth be told losing weight because you have time to work out and then gaining weight because you didn't have time and would rather rent a good movie and eat a Braums Mix!

 

Truth be told even though these are the messy and hard parts of my life...there really is more good and joyful times in life.

 

The point of this blog was to be real. It wasn't trying to be a negative...I just wanted to shed light to the fact that sometimes in life we need to be real.

We all have different areas that are tough and we feel battered and worn out...

I know that we aren' going to share ALL the hard parts of life, but its okay to let people know you are human!

Being human is something we can all definitely relate to! :)

 

So the moral of the story is...the next time you feel tired and don't have enough energy to clean your house...take a picture of it and post it! :)

(No...I'm just kidding! Truth be told...we don't want to see that)

 

 

 

Galations 6:9 Jeremiah 33:3

Oh how He loves you and me!

 

 

A Perfectly Imperfect Parent

 Next month I will have had Nylah for a year!
I can't believe how fast time has gone by! I spent most of tonight watching videos of her when she was 9 months old (I was also crying and eating some chocolate. (I don't know what it is about eating chocolate when I am sad))

As I was watching those videos I started thinking about how hard things seemed to be when I first got her.
I was working full-time and trying to learn how to take care of a 9 month old. (those late nights and early mornings...yeesh!)
I didn't understand why she was crying at times.
I didn't know why she wouldn't eat her food when I thought it tasted great!
I didn't know a "gas pain" cry was different than a "hungry" cry.
I didn't know how to keep the house clean and manage to keep her fed, clean and happy.
I didn't know how to balance my social life with my mommy life...and my workout life for that matter.
It seemed like all I did from sunrise to sunset was take care of her, work, take care of her and work...
I had always promised myself I would be a mom that always wore cute clothes at home and woke up early enough to put my makeup on and wear my hair down.
One week into the mommy gig and I had broken all my vows...

I didn't notice it at the time...but I was treating motherhood like a job and not treating it like a privilege.
I am not sure if other parents have done this, but it was honestly the only thing I knew how to do in order to keep myself afloat!

Now don't get me wrong....I loved each day with her, but in order for my life to stay on track with work, parenting, and home life...I started treating each day like a job.
Of course there is nothing wrong with structure. I think it is important for kids to have structure in their day, but I started treating bath time like it was a duty instead of a joy.

I didn't know I was doing it at the time...
After several months of this I had a slight melt down. (you know...the kind where you just cry a bunch and can't quit crying)
I couldn't figure out why this mommy thing was so hard! (I am sure any parent reading this can understand)

As I looked at my life and my routine I realized that I had unknowingly been structuring so much of my day that I was losing out in the joy of the chaos! :)

I decided that there were some things I was going to have to let go...
I didn't have to have a clean house (in fact it was nearly impossible to have a clean house all the time and I was making myself miserable trying)
I didn't have to have my Bible study every morning before she woke up...God knows our hearts and it is perfectly fine to have it in the evening. (or at lunch time so you don't fall asleep from exhaustion at night)
I didn't have to rush in the morning and work out. Of course working out was important, but not at the expense of losing valuable cuddle moments with my girl.
I didn't have to rush bath time or reading time at night to get her to bed on time...bath time and reading time are special once in a lifetime moments!
I didn't have to look perfect to other moms...because the more honest I was about how hard things were...the more people would open and share the hard moments that they faced as well.

Being a single mom that worked full-time presented a lot of difficulties and joys. In fact, there are still days when I feel like I am going to cave under the pressure....but the most valuable thing I have learned is that you have to stop an enjoy each moment with your kids.
Looking back at those videos tonight really made me see that each year, day and moment we are given is such a privilege!
I can't imagine and don't want to imagine my life without her!

I used to think that my day had to be completely structured from minute to minute to keep us on schedule. I thought that this would make me the perfect mom.
I am so glad God showed me that it was in my imperfections I could find freedom to love her perfectly!

To all you moms and dads out there giving it all that you have each day...you are AMAZING!!!!!

But He said to me, " My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.- 2 Corinthians 12:8-9

A Hedge of Protection

  As a woman in the workplace it is always my goal to walk in purity and set boundaries between me and people of the opposite sex. I work for a company that requires a lot of travel and I really want to guard myself from any situation that could potentially lead to harm. As I began to pray and seek the Lord on how to set good boundaries I came across this article by Nancy Leigh DeMoss that speaks on personal hedges of protection and how to act in a marriage. Even though I am not married yet, it is important as a single woman to set personal hedges of protection up in order to honor and glorify the Lord. This will also protect my dating relationship as well as the relationships of my co-workers and their spouses.

In this article my Nancy Leigh DeMoss she really hits the nail on the head on how we should set personal hedges of protection in any of our opposite sex relationships at work, church or school.

Some people that read this might think that it is very legalistic and too rigid...but I believe that God creates boundaries for our freedom and not to hold us back. By setting up personal hedges of protection you are able to walk in purity, honesty and freedom!
I hope you take the time to read over this article...I know that it has blessed my heart and given me tools at how to set boundaries as I work and interact with people of the opposite sex.

Personal "Hedges"

by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

Staying Vigilant

As I have studied the Scripture, observed others’ lives, and seen deeper glimpses of my own heart over the years, I have come to realize that no one—no matter how spiritual—is exempt from the potential of succumbing to moral temptation. I have also become convinced that any woman can bring about the moral downfall of any man—no matter how godly. This is one area of our lives where we can never afford to be less than vigilant.

According to God’s Word, a vow is a serious, binding commitment to God and not to be made or taken lightly. I have only made a few vows to the Lord. One of those sacred commitments is the vow to be morally pure. This is such a serious matter to me, that I have asked the Lord to take my life before I would jeopardize a marriage or come between any man and his wife.

I have often been in a position where it would have been possible to cultivate an inappropriate relationship with a married man—or at the very least to make incremental compromises that could have fueled sinful desires in my own heart or in someone else’s heart.

Why Do We Need Personal “Hedges”?

Over the years, the Lord has led me to develop a set of “hedges” (boundaries) in relation to the men that I have served with and related to in various settings. Those hedges have been a powerful safeguard and protection—for my own heart, for those men and their marriages, for my reputation, and most importantly, for the reputation of Christ.

I have been blessed to serve alongside of many men who have strong hearts for God. But I never assume that I (or they) are beyond being tempted and falling. The Enemy eagerly looks for opportunities to cause God’s children to fall.

Let me explain the concept of “hedges” a bit more clearly. By “hedges,” I mean boundaries we establish in our relationships with individuals of the opposite sex. (My focus in this piece is particularly on our relationships as women with married men.) Just as hedges surround our property to protect and surround what is ours, and define what is not ours, we also need hedges in our relationships. Once those hedges are in place, they need to be carefully maintained.

Each woman needs to know her own areas of weakness and vulnerability— especially if she has not been morally pure in the past—and adjust her hedges as needed, for greater protection. My personal “hedges” have been developed as I have watched others—and myself, at times—deal with difficult or tempting circumstances in relationships with members of the opposite sex.

Another word picture I have found helpful is the concept of “guardrails.” Anyone who has driven on a narrow mountain road knows how crucial a guardrail is for safety. Staying within the guardrails provides protection from falling off the edge of the mountain, but it represents more than that; it represents freedom. Guardrails do indeed “restrict” us, but they also free us to drive without fear.

Restrictions or Protections?

For those who may consider these principles “legalistic,” I would suggest that farfrom being restrictive, these “hedges” have allowed me to enjoy healthy, wholesome friendships with the men with whom I work and serve, as well as with their wives and children. Adhering to these practices has allowed me to have a part in strengthening marriages and family relationships.

I am not suggesting that all of these “hedges” are biblical absolutes or that violating any of these would necessarily be sin. However, after seeing the anguish and heartbreak of broken marriage covenants brought about by the entrance of a “third party,” I have come to believe that these are wise parameters and that those who violate them do so at their own peril.

Helpful Guidelines

This is not an exhaustive list or a guarantee against infidelity. These are simply some of my personal “hedges”—principles that have served me well during many years of working alongside married men. It was never my intent to publish this list. However, as I have shared this concept of establishing personal “hedges,” I have often been asked if I would be willing to share mine.

Further, I have watched enough naïve or foolish women (and men) act in inappropriate ways toward the opposite sex—and then been called upon to pick up the wreckage left behind—that I felt it would be helpful to share these specific examples.

My “hedges” reflect my desire to be discreet and not to defraud the men around me—through my speech, actions, dress, or attitudes. To some who have been influenced by our permissive culture, these standards will probably seem excessive. To which I would simply ask: what’s it worth to you to avoid the devastating consequences of adultery? It’s hard to imagine how an adulterous relationship could develop if these precautions were maintained.

For those who don’t know me personally, you might think this approach borders on being obsessive. However, I have found that as I hold to biblical convictions and keep specific practical “hedges” of this nature in place, I don’t have to “obsess” about guarding my heart or having pure relationships. I can trust God to work in and through me as I relate to men in godliness, purity, and wisdom.

It is my prayer that God will lead you as you seek to establish effective “hedges” and “guardrails” for your own life, and that you will experience the freedom, joys, and blessings of “keeping your heart with all diligence.”

Practical “Hedges” in Working with Married Men

Most of my contact with married men has been in the context of the workplace— working and serving together in ministry. A huge percentage of emotional and physical “affairs” begin in the workplace.

The following “hedges” are specifically targeted toward relationships with married men in the workplace, but most could be applied more broadly to relationships in other settings, including the church, school, counseling situations, social or community groups, etc.

These “hedges” are not necessarily a measurement of spirituality—it would be possible to abide by a list twice this long and still have an impure heart or be guilty of self-righteousness. No “list” can be a substitute for sincere love for Christ and a heart to please Him.

This is not a comprehensive list; these are merely some practical guidelines that I have found to be helpful and would urge you to consider as you develop your own “hedges” for relationships and become accountable to God and others for maintaining them.

As a rule, the closer the working relationship with a married colleague of the opposite sex, the higher and more “inflexible” the hedges need to be.

Reduce Opportunities for Temptation or Accusation

• If it is necessary to meet alone, keep the door ajar or meet in a room with a window. Don’t meet in private places; be sure others are in the vicinity.

• Always have a third party if required to travel together. Don’t ride alone together in a vehicle.

• When traveling for business or ministry, stay on different floors of the hotel, unless he is accompanied by his wife.

• No meals together without a third party. (I realize that in many business settings, it is considered “standard practice” to meet, travel, or dine with members of the opposite sex. But I am convinced that is risky at best and foolish at worst. In our ministry, maintaining these particular hedges often requires inconvenience or additional expense. But it’s a small price to pay if you care about being above reproach morally, guarding your heart, protecting others’ marriages, and, above all, glorifying God.)

• Don’t flirt! Be careful about even “innocent” playfulness and teasing—especially when you are alone with each other. (He should have more “fun” with his wife than with any other woman!)

• Dress modestly. (Provocative clothing sends an invitation to a party you have no right to throw.)

• Keep your hands to yourself. Don’t invite, receive, or initiate intimate forms of physical contact (i.e., embracing, kissing, caressing, stroking, etc.).

Refuse to Participate in Conversations That May Damage Relationships

• Don’t listen to him speak critically of his wife. Praise his wife to him and others. Never criticize her to him or to others.

• Don’t provide a listening ear for him to share his marital difficulties or tensions at home.

• Don’t confide personal or emotional concerns unless his wife or a third party is present.

• Avoid expressing admiration for physical characteristics, clothing, etc.

• Have a grateful spirit, but be discreet and restrained in offering verbal or written encouragement, even for godly characteristics. His need/desire for admiration should appropriately be fueled by his wife!

• Be discreet and restrained in expressing admiration for him to others.

• No secrets! Don’t communicate anything to him (verbally or in writing) that you would not be comfortable with him sharing with his wife (unless you’re planning a surprise birthday party for her!). Never ask that he refrain from sharing something with his wife.

• In written and verbal communication, include references to his wife (e.g., “How is _______ doing?” “Tell ______ I said ‘hello.’” “I am so grateful for you and ________.” “You and ________ have been on my heart.”)

Respect Co-workers’ Marriages and Family Relationships

• Don’t establish a close working relationship, unless you know his wife and have a positive relationship with her. (I realize this may not be possible in some work environments. But I have found this an enormously helpful principle. The more closely you work with him, the more important this is.)

• Copy his wife on any email communication that relates to personal matters (including spiritual issues). (I can’t emphasize this enough. Email can be an incredibly subtle avenue for inappropriate communication and cultivating “intimacy.”)

• Don’t call him or text him at home. Be considerate—if his wife or a child answers the phone, take time to connect with them before asking to speak with him.

• Be sensitive to periods that he and his wife may not have had a lot of time together, and limit time spent working together accordingly. Exercise the same caution if you have reason to believe there may be tension or stress in his marriage.

• When with the couple, include her in the conversation. If discussing work-related matters, explain what you’re talking about, so she doesn’t feel left out or “in the dark.”

• Show genuine interest in his wife and look for opportunities to bless, serve, and encourage her—birthdays, special occasions, needs you can meet, etc.

• Look for opportunities to minister to them as a couple (and family)—anniversaries, gifts for date nights, etc.

• Be a genuine and loving friend to his wife and children. Show an interest in what interests them.

• If his wife has any concerns or hesitations regarding his relationship with you, get out of the way! Request a transfer or quit your job if necessary. She may be overly sensitive; she may be a “terrible wife.” There may be “nothing going on” between you and her husband. Regardless, it is your responsibility to do everything in your power to encourage and protect their marriage. Do not let yourself become a wedge in his relationship with his wife—for any reason.

Respond to God’s Spirit for Maximum Protection

• Don’t allow a mental, emotional, or spiritual bond between you that is more intimate than what he has with his wife. Ask the Lord to prompt you when you are getting too close.

• Be accountable. Share your “hedges” with one or more close women friends who will commit to ask periodically whether you are maintaining them.

• If you find yourself being tempted mentally or emotionally, share with a mature, female confidant, for purposes of accountability. Don’t wait until you’re in trouble to reach out for help!

• If another believer expresses concern about your relationship with a married man, don’t dismiss their caution. The wise person listens to and heeds counsel!

• Depend on the indwelling Spirit of God to guard your heart, direct your steps, and protect your relationships.

Making it Personal

Write a prayer responding to what you have just read.

• Express your commitment to be pure in your relationships with men (whether married or single).

• Ask God to show you what practical “hedges” need to be in place in your life and to give you grace to maintain those safeguards.

• If you are in a situation where you are vulnerable to temptation or have developed an inappropriate relationship with a man, record what steps you intend to take to obey God and be pleasing to Him in this matter.

• Ask God to guard your heart, to make your life a reflection of the purity and love of Christ, and to help you be a blessing rather than a hindrance to the men around you and to their wives and children.

____________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

My Personal “Hedges”

Make a list of specific “hedges” that you believe need to be in place in your relationships with married men. (Over the years, I have added to and refined my own list. I am still growing and learning in this matter. As you grow, ask the Lord to make you aware of additional “hedges” that may be needed in your life.)

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Remember that these “hedges” are not intended to be a burden, but a blessing—not to put you in prison, but to help protect you and others.

And remember that no list of “rules” can make you holy. Look to Christ—seek to love Him supremely. Be sensitive to the leading of His Spirit. Follow Him. Depend on His grace to guard your heart. He is the one who is able to “keep you from falling” (Jude 24).

“I am convinced that he is able to guard until

that Day what has been entrusted to me. . . .

By the Holy Spirit who dwells within us, guard

the good deposit entrusted to you.”

2 Timothy 1:12, 14

Hayden

My two loves

One of the most beautiful and special things about being a woman in a relationship with a man is when he leads you to the Lord!

I have been blessed by the Lord that He has chosen to give me such a man in Hayden.

There are plenty of amazing things that I could share about him (like the way he makes me laugh or the way he loves my daughter), but the thing that I value the most in him is his passion for the Lord!
His passion for the Lord is what directs him in all the areas of his life and is what helps him to lead me.

One of the ways that I love to learn from him is when he shares what God has placed on his heart during his sermons or when he speaks at church events.

Sunday morning Hayden preached a sermon and I was so blessed by what he shared that I had to share some of it with others. ( I won't even come close to sharing what he shared...but I will simply share with you what the Lord taught me)

His sermon was based out of Philippians 3:7-14. (check out this passage)

He used this passage to encourage and challenge the church to not focus on the things in the past, but to strive towards the future. In order to grow we have to let go of things in our past so that we can fully live out our purpose.

He had the church repeat the phrase, " Let go... and grow"
He shared with us that one of his mentors years ago told him that, "When you change the way you look at things, the thing you look at will change"

So many times we get stuck in our past failures and we live there.
We are afraid to step out in faith and walk where the Lord is leading us because we live in fear.

Hayden's sermon reminded me that God wants us to live in victory! God wants us to strive daily to live out our purpose and not be in chains to fear and worry and anxiety.

Do you know your purpose?
Maybe it is to be a great stay at home mom...
Maybe you have been called to a specific mission field...
Maybe it is to help the homeless...
Maybe it is just to love on others daily and show them the love of God...

Whatever you believe God has purposed you to do while you are here on this earth don't let fear keep you from walking in that purpose!

Hayden challenged everyone to choose a word that would define your year.
He also challenged us to pick a phrase that would go along with that word and a scripture verse that would give him focus for the year.

Hayden's word was- Direct
Hayden's phrase was - I will make my plans, but it is the Lord that directs my steps. (that is a scripture in Psalms)
Hayden's Scripture was Genesis 18:19 " ¹⁹ For I have chosen him, so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just, so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him.”

I would encourage anyone that reads this to try this out. It is a great way to set a goal for the year that will help you to focus on the Lord! It will really help you to take your eyes off your past and to take hold of what God has for your future!

The Lord wants us to live in victory and freedom!

I am so blessed to be led by this man that loves the Lord and I encourage everyone to come hear a good word from him! You will be blessed beyond measure!


Oh how He loves you and me!