Mama...oh my!

Tonight as I was giving baby N her bath she looked up at me and said, "Mama".

N has been saying "mama" and "baba" and little words here and there for several weeks.
I never really thought she was calling me mama...until tonight.

Tonight as she was sitting in the bathtub giggling about the bubbles she looked up at me...handed me a toy and said mama.


Something was different about the way she said it tonight.
 It was like her words finally connected to the meaning of what she was saying.

So of course...I cried. :)

I cried for a couple reasons.

I have always dreamt of being a mom. Like most girls I played house when I was little and planned out the names of my future kids.
As the years went by I watched as all my friends began to have children.

In my mid-twenties I began to get a little nervous that I was never going to have children of my own.

When I turned 30...well I thought that was soooo old and just started reserving myself to the idea that I would probably die alone. (hahaha! it was painful to face at the time...but funny to look back now and see how dramatic I was about it all)

After about a year of praying, seeking and letting go...I found myself in a season of rest.
I found rest...even in waiting.

I wouldn't say the longing or the ache to have children went away...I just realized that if I rushed God for something that was out of His timing I would never be able to enjoy life.

If I would have rushed God...I wouldn't have baby N.
Just two short years after my dramatic moment of feeling like my life was incomplete...a tiny baby girl looked up at me with her big brown eyes, bubbles in her hair and called me mama.
So worth the wait.


The second reason I cried...

When I heard that sweet baby girl call me mama...my heart was happy and sad all in the same moment.

To know that a child born by another woman calls me mama is a deep emotion to carry.

If this leads to adoption...will I be good enough for her?
If I adopt and never get married...will she be okay without a daddy?
If I get married one day...will he love her like I do?
if....If....IF!!!!!

Sometimes the voice of worry in my head tries to drown out the truth in my heart....

And the truth in my heart says that all I can do each day is love this little girl like she is my own, tell her that she is loved and be her mama until the Lord reveals His plan for our lives.


As a foster mom that cherishes being called mama...I can only imagine what our Heavenly Father must feel like when we call out to Him!
We are all adopted and loved!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!
Jeremiah 33:3

My first month with N

Well tomorrow makes one month that baby N has been with me!

Let me tell you it has been an amazingly wonderful adventure!!!

I love this little girl in a way simple words on a page can't express.


I have learned so much through this journey and I thought I would share just a little bit with everyone.

One of the biggest things I have learned from N is that LOVE is definitely an action.
I didn't realize how much physical activity goes in to caring for a little human!
Some of these physical activities include...but are not limited to:
Getting out of bed at unusual times to check on her...
Bending over countless times to pick up toys she fumbles and drops...
Mastering the "reach behind arm move" from the front seat to the back seat of the car to grab a bottle...
Dancing to music to play and make her laugh...
Taking long walks to get her out of the house for a change or scenery..
Jumping up quick and sprinting over to grab her before she pulls, grabs or knocks something over..
and rocking her to sleep (MY FAVORITE)

I am learning that when you love someone you WANT to do things for them even if it is not always the most fun thing you could be doing.

I have also learned a lot about myself.
Caring for her has really made stop and reflect on areas in my life that I need to work on for her sake...and mine!

Caring for a little human has really made look at how patient of a person I am.
YIKES!
If you know me at all you will know that I am always early, I like to get things done fast and I don't have much patience for people that don't have that same attitude. ( I know that sounds bad...but seriously...hurry up people!)
Well... now that I have an 11 month old I am learning how important it is to have patience in every of life. Babies do everything in "snail mode" so I have learned to just be patient and find the beauty in the moments that I have with her. If I try to rush through everything in life then I miss out on the special times I have with her.

Our first month has had so many great moments and I wish so bad that all of you could see her sweet little face!!!
Please be in prayer for us in the next couple months as the opportunity for adoption will be presenting itself.
There are so many variables to this equation, but I am trusting that God has complete control and I  will prayerfully leave it in His hands.


If anyone reading this is considering fostering or adoption...I want to encourage you to take the steps to move forward! Make the choice to care for someone that needs love!


We are all adopted sons and daughters of a Father that loves us and chooses us daily!
Oh how HE loves you and me!!!

A week with baby = Humbled

So my first week as a foster mommy is complete.

WOW!

First, I want to give a big shout out to all the moms and dads out there!
I think I have hit every emotion possible this week!

I have been very humbled by several things and I want to share some of those things because I can truly see now how much moms and dads do each day! (you never really know until you step into someones shoes)


1. I used to ask my girlfriends that had babies to go out for a quick bite to eat with me and they would say, "I am not sure that will work with baby's schedule". I never understood that! I would think to myself..."okay just put them to bed at a different time!"
Humbled big time on that idea! Schedules are important and I have had to say no three times to different friends this week that wanted to meet for dinner to keep baby N on her schedule.

2. HOW do people have more than one???? Parents are truly heroes man! I remember when my sister had three little babies to take care of and she would be pooped out at the end of the day. I never understood why a "stay at home parent" would be tired at the end of the day!(don't judge me for thinking that...I just never understood)  Boy was I humbled on that! I think I fell asleep three times this week in my work clothes and shoes still on...and I only have one!

3. Patience- If you know me well you will know that I am inpatient person. I like to do things fast and get things done. Soooo this week I learned that my schedule is not "my" schedule anymore.
I used to wonder why my mom friends wouldn't just meet me for 30 minutes at the gym and change their schedule. Yep I get it now why they didn't meet me :) I was so humbled by the patience I have seen in so many of my mom and dad friends out there!

4. I never understood why parents would say, "I haven't even had time to eat today."
I thought, why don't they just sit down and eat when the baby is eating.
I think I have lost ten pounds this week and I haven't even had time to step foot in the gym :)(I guess that is a good thing kinda) With work and baby time I don't even realize until the sun goes down what time it is! :)

5. Single parent homes. I realize that even in a two parent home it is hard and sometimes one parent carries the load of two people, but man....I have really developed a deep appreciation for all the single parents out there! I have two good friends at work that I love and admire for how they care for their boys and work like crazy to make a good life for them!

There are so many other things I have learned this week that I am sure most all parents can relate to, but I just wanted to share some of the things I feel humbled about.

Although the week has been tiring and challenging at times, I adore and love this sweet little girl that God placed in my life.
Her smile makes my heart melt and her giggle can erase the stress from a long day of work.

I am so thankful for all the parents and friends out there that have helped me to get through this first week. I am also so in awe of how amazing and heroic parents truly are!
To each of my friends that are parents....you are amazing!!!!!


Oh how He loves you and me!

Thankful!!!!

Well...tomorrow is the day. I will be starting a new adventure to take care of a sweet little baby girl.

The purpose of this blog is to say thank you to everyone that has helped me get to this point!
I have spent this afternoon lifting all of my friends up in prayer that have sacrificed their time, money, prayers and given me unbelievable encouragement!

It is a beautiful thing to know that so many people are willing to help and offer their time to minister to a little baby who really needs love!

I want to say a special thank you to my family! Man...I definitely couldn't do it without their love and support.

I also want to thank all my friends who have prayed with me, given me advice (love all you moms and dads who have given me poop, booger and diaper advice) and have just spent time encouraging me!

Also, my church family at Coffee Creek has been so helpful and I couldn't be more blessed to be a part of this family!

I went on a walk the other day with my friend Suzanne and she reminded me that it takes a village to raise a child...and thankfully I have some amazing friends who are helping me!

I do not know how long baby N will be in my life, but I do know that I wouldn't have been able to make it without the love and support from the people in my life! One of the best things about bringing foster children into my home is knowing that they will get to meet and be loved by the people I love!


With an overwhelming heart of gratitude and humility... thank you for your help, love, support and prayers! I am blessed to have each of you in my life!

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:38


This picture above is me holding one of my favorite gifts for baby N!
BOOKS!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Ohhh and my hand in the picture looks like the hand from The Adams Family! Gross!!! :)

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

An Unconventional Family

Ten months ago a young girl was giving birth to a baby girl.

Ten months ago I had no idea what God had in store for my life.


Do you ever think about how each decision you make changes your life and the life of so many others around you?

I find it so crazy that each decision I make can have a huge impact (good or bad)  on my future and the future of the people I know and love.

I know I have made some bad choices in my past that have hurt my family.
I know that I have wasted so much time and energy on "me" that I have forgotten to care for the people that need me.

When I look back at the bad decisions I made and see how those decisions brought me to the joy, happiness and peace that I now live in... it is crazy to me!

Each time I made a bad decision or wrong choice I felt a big weight of guilt and regret.
For all the times I wasted doing things that were not beneficial to my future...I felt frustrated that I gave up so much time and energy and delayed my hopes and dreams of what I wanted in the future.

For the last couple months God has been teaching me that all of these things, good or bad, have been used to bring me to where I am at today.

I can choose to look on them as negative experiences, or I can choose to look at my past, all the way back to the decisions I made in high school, and recognize that God has used all things for His good and mine.
I didn't always recognize that during painful moments...because lets face it...it is hard to see that anything good can come when we are living in pain.

But He reminds me over and over and has taught me that in fact good can come from pain!
The process is a long and difficult journey.
We have to make a conscience decision after moments of pain and struggle to pick ourselves back up and somehow find beauty from our pain. That doesn't mean we are saying what happened to us is good or that we are thankful for the grief we are feeling, but no matter what has happened we have no choice but to move forward and make good choices so we can enjoy our future!

For so long I made choices in my life based on what "I" wanted and things never worked out. It wasn't until God closed every door that I believed I should be walking through that I realized His plan for me was greater and better than what I thought I wanted.

The road has been bumpy over the years, but I am so thankful that God used every decision and every choice I made to bring me to this place and time.

I believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts as we seek Him. My desire was always to have a family. His desire for me was to give me that dream in a completely different way than I would have ever expected.

Do you regret choices you have made in your past?

Please take it from me that living in the past does not allow you to move forward into your future.
God has big things in store for each of us and He wants to use our love, passion, past decisions and current circumstances to propel us forward and to touch the lives of people all around us.

I don't have it all figured out and I still don't make the best choices...but I have peace with my past and know that without God closing so many doors I would not have made the decisions to move forward with becoming a foster parent.

Although it might seem like an unconventional family to a lot of people, to me, it is exactly the family He was preparing for me!

I don't know how many children I will meet in this process or how long each of them will be in my life...but I can't wait to meet them and love them!

In His will...we find peace.


Oh how He loves you and me!
Jeremiah 33:3

You are amazing!

You have so much to offer this world!


I believe that God created all of us with a deep desire to do something great while we are blessed to be here on earth.
A lot of times we look at other people that are doing big things and wish that we had the time and resources to do those things too.

Some of us aspire to do great things all of our lives and begin to feel discouraged when we don't see fruits produced from our labor.

I talked to a sweet lady this week and she was really discouraged that she hadn't done more "great things" in her life.

While she was talking to me her little girl ran up to her and grabbed her leg and hugged her. She gently touched her daughter on her head and whispered in her ear to use her quiet voice because she was talking to someone.

In that moment I saw her great accomplishment.

As her daughter walked away I looked at my friend and reminded her that the greats things in this life are the simple acts of kindness, love and hope that we give to people each day.
Those simple acts of kindness shine a bright light in a dark world.
I reminded her that the sacrifice she makes each day to get up and go to work and give her life for her daughter is a great accomplishment! She can leave a legacy of love for her family.

There are so many people in my life that I notice each day that succeed in accomplishing great things that they might not even recognize.

I work with a lady that no matter when I see her...my heart smiles. She makes me laugh and she is so real. She works so hard and I can see how much love she has for her daughter.
That is a great thing!

I am blessed to know and work with a girl that has experienced great loss in her life. Each day I see her I am empowered and encouraged to live my life with greater passion and purpose because of the way she gives and lives. She shows up to life each day, no matter the loss she has faced, and inspires people to help others. She could just give up and shrink back, but she chooses to fight and make a difference in this world. That is a great thing!

I see a man holding the door for a woman....
I hear someone encouraging a friend who is discouraged...
I see a mom give up her money so her child can have something nice...
I watch as a husband selflessly gives up his time for the future of his wife and kids...

Those are great things!

You have the opportunity each day to do great things while you are here.
It could be as simple as paying for someone's coffee behind you in the Starbucks line...
It could be taking five minutes to call someone who needs to laugh...
It could be cleaning the ice off someone's car...

You might not have a spotlight, but I promise you that when you give of yourself and love people authentically those smalls acts become great treasures in someones life!

Never feel like you don't have anything to offer...you are more than enough and someone in this world needs your love!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Tonight I was sitting in my apartment looking at pictures of my friends and family and I started to tear up.

I am blessed to know so many great people!
Despite all these amazing people... I have longed for more in my life. (not proud of that fact)

More stuff, more money, unlimited amounts of money to spend on shoes (of course!), to own a Starbucks, to meet Russell Westbrook and beat him in basketball(or just talk to him actually), to accept a Grammy, to run a 5k and not want to vomit, and to be maybe just one inch taller!

No really...I have to be serious when I say that just six months ago I was really just spinning my wheels to get somewhere and I wasn't taking the time to really just enjoy the people in my life and marvel at how God has blessed me with relationships that mean more than having the chance to play basketball with Russell Westbrook...uhhhh...well maybe not that dream in particular ;) (just kidding...kinda)

I am really ashamed that I was so focused on me. I LOVE people and did not even realize I wasn't thanking God and living out that thankfulness for the special people He placed in my life.

I have some of the dearest, sweetest, loving parents that anyone could hope for in this world! (if you know them then your heart understands what I am saying)
I have two sisters and a brother that would give up just about anything if I needed them.
I have two brothers-in-love that are so amazing to my sisters!
I also have the best three nephews in the world that love Jesus and aren't afraid to share it!(love boldness in the younger generation...especially when they are my boys! #proudaunt)
I have two really special best friends that I know God gave me on purpose!

I also have so many dear people in my life that I work with, go to church with and minister with that I can't begin to imagine what life would be like without having known them!

I believe that God plans who we will meet.(this is so special if you think about it)
 After that meeting it is up to us to walk in grace, mercy and love to that person.(not always easy)

I have not always been the best friend, sister or daughter to the people in my life, but I realize now that that is all this life is about while we are here! Building relationships with the people we are so unbelievably blessed to know!
Looking back on some of my friendships that I have failed to live out this way I feel a heavy weight that I didn't give more. I am so thankful for a God that renews and restores what has been broken. The fact that He lovingly restores me to Him each time I fail and make a mistake propels me forward and gives me the passion to do it more for the people in my life.
His love is so rich...it is so true and so faithful. He created us to know Him...and in knowing Him we can learn how to live and walk in love even when it seems impossible! We will fail in attempting to do this alone...but with His help we might fail, but we will be able to get up and try again!


At any moment our money, careers, possessions and health can be taken from us. So when that reality hit me I realized that my joy can't be found in stuff. It can't be found in the people I love either...but it can be found in giving love to those people. 

Jesus walked this earth in love and His purpose was to restore people to Him so that they could live in true peace and walk in that same love towards others!

Each day that we are given we have an opportunity to impact the life of someone we know!

I know that so many of my friends have touched my heart and left an imprint on my soul that won't be forgotten! I pray that I can live out each day loving others the way they have loved me and the way that God loves us!

Is there someone special in your life that you need to share with them how much you love them?
Is there someone that you talk to everyday that you could just love on to make them feel a taste of God's goodness?

I pray that God helps me to be a better representation of His love each day!

Oh how He loves you and me!

(P.S. If anyone reading this knows Russell Westbrook...please hook me up with a meeting!)