Facebook Envy

A couple days ago I was talking to a friend from work and she was telling me that sometimes it is hard for her to look at Facebook because everyone's life seems so perfect...

She said she just wished that sometimes people would just be honest about life and not paint a pretty picture to make people think that they have everything together.

 

When she said that I could definitely understand what she was talking about.

If I am really honest with everyone that reads this...I know there are times when I have scrolled my news feed and read a status or looked at a picture of a friend and found myself envying something in their post.

You see a picture perfect family and you wish you had what they had...

You see someone who just successfully lost ten pounds during the Thanksgiving break...and you gained ten pounds eating all that pie...

You read about someones child that is so sweet and seemingly perfect...and you recall the afternoon trip to the grocery store when your little one had a melt down in the check out line...

You read about someones amazing relationship...

You see pictures of family vacations....

You see that girl...in that amazing outfit...and that amazing smile....and that amazing life...

Social media definitely helps us to paint a pretty picture of our lives.

The funny thing is that even though we paint this pretty picture...nobody has the perfect life.

We all have challenges, battles and difficulties that nobody really knows about.

But...we still look at the pictures and we read the status updates and we find ourselves envying our friends.

We lose sight of the blessings we have in our own lives.

I know that I have done this in the past. I will be the first to admit this!

I used to see pictures of babies and families...and I would get jealous that I didn't have that yet. Of course I was happy for my friends...but jealousy or envy would creep into my mind.

This morning at church our Sunday School lesson was on envy.

In James 3:13-18 it says that, " Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in meekness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in our hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness sown in peace by those who make peace."

 

 I love this passage in James because it challenges me!!

I struggle with envy and jealously. If I said I didn't I would be lying.

We all struggle here and God knows that about us.

What James is telling us here is that there is a way out! We don't have to be stuck in jealously and envy.

As we daily seek out the Lord's wisdom and direction in His word we will be able to fight the battles of envy, jealously, pride and any other battle you are facing.

You can win this battle and start to be happy for what others have instead of being jealous.

 

Is this a struggle in your life?

Do you find yourself feeling jealous or envious of what someone else has?

 

I want to challenge you to take one day and only focus on the blessings in your life. If you have to stay off social media for that day then do it for your heart and mind. As you begin to shift your perspective and see all that God has given you it will help to combat those feelings.

Spend a day just thanking God for what you have and see how your heart and mind will begin to change!

 

 

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

His love...

"Jesus loves me! This I know, for the Bible tells me so!"

Today I was singing this song to Nylah in the car on our way home from daycare.

I was singing the words over and over to try and get her to chime in with me.

As I repeated the words over and over I started to think about what those words meant.

"Jesus loves me."

That phrase hit me really hard when I said it slowly to myself.

"Jesus loves ME."

I have been singing that song since I was a little girl...and it wasn't until today that the words really hit my heart.

As a new parent I struggle every day with feeling like I am not doing enough for my little girl.

Maybe I worry too much...and maybe I put too much pressure on myself...but I want to give her my best.

At the end of each day I go to bed thinking, "I should have done better...or more for her today."

Is this something that all parents think I wonder...?

Some days are just really hard with a full-time job and taking care of all her needs...that by the end of the day I just don't have enough energy to play with her for very long...and I feel so guilty.

Some days I get patience is thin...

Some days I forget to say prayers with her...

...and at the end of those days I feel so heavy.

Today though...God reminded through the lyrics of a simple children's song that He loves me.

The God of this Universe loves me and died for me!

He died so that I could come to Him and ask for forgiveness when I fail and not have to carry the weight and burden of my sins.

I don't know about you...but that overwhelms my heart!

 

Are you struggling with areas in your life that you feel like you keep failing?

Maybe it's your finances...

Maybe it's an area with your spouse, children or a family member...

Maybe you are addicted to something...

Maybe you have hidden sins and you feel fake or ashamed...

 

One of the most beautiful things about Jesus is that He loves us no matter where we have been or what we have done!

We can come to Him, seek His forgiveness and His arms are open wide ready to love us!

Wherever you are at today and whatever you are facing please remember that Jesus loves you!

 

Check out this song...it is a beautiful version of Jesus loves me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8gKXu6J2wE

 

"For God so loved , that He gave His only Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

 

Oh how He loves you and me!

 

Hayden and Mechel

Then

 The picture above is the first picture Hayden and I ever took together. ( I look so young!!!)

 We were both attending a wedding in 2009 and we did not know each other at all. We had mutual friends at the wedding and it did not take long for us to find each other in the crowd of people. I felt an instant connection with him because his personality is so warm and welcoming.

If you know Hayden at all, #1 you are lucky and # 2 you can agree and understand how I felt when I met him. We are both very social and we hit it off that night laughing and talking. I also pulled him on the dance floor a couple times with me :) When it was almost time for everyone to leave I noticed a photographer snapping pictures and I made sure to grab Hayden to take one with me. (he probably thought I was silly) The picture you see above is the picture the photographer took that night. I am so glad we took that pic now! Hayden and I dated for several years until we felt God telling us to part ways for a season.

One of the hardest things to do in life is say goodbye to someone you love because God is asking you to do so.

Neither of us could understand why God would ask this of us...but we knew that we had to be obedient.

Have you ever had a time in your life when you feel God is calling you to take a step that you feel might break you down emotionally?

Maybe you are in that season right now...

Are you afraid to say goodbye to someone that God is telling you not to pursue now?

He can always make me laugh

 As time went on God really began to work on our hearts.

In our season of waiting He began to teach us things.

He began to shape us and mold us individually in ways that wouldn't have worked if we were together. 

He strengthened our hearts and minds in His ways...and not our own.

He taught us about patience, selflessness and mercy.

In this season of waiting Hayden became a Youth Minister and I started fostering Nylah.

God knew that saying goodbye for a season was preparing and strengthening us for a new journey together.

...so happy

 After a season of waiting God brought us back together this year. (YAY!!!)

I have never loved or respected Hayden more than I do now!

His leadership, mercy, patience (he is so patient with me), and love compels me to strive to be a better person each day.

His passion for people and love for the Lord is contagious and inspires me!

His willingness to love Nylah as his own...even though we are not engaged or married makes me cry every time I think about it...(crying now)

His love for family...

His ability to cook the best steak and BBQ chicken I have ever had...

His love for studying the Word of God...and living by it...

 

...and most importantly his ability to lead me to the Lord!

Now

People ask me all the time if we are going to get married.

My response to them now is that we are waiting on God's timing.

As a girl...of course I dream of that day :)

BUT...I have learned that rushing God won't get you anywhere!

I am trusting and believing that as Hayden and I seek out God's will for our lives that His best plan for us will be revealed when the time is right.

For now, we are enjoying the journey of serving the Lord together and raising up Nylah to love Jesus!

 

Are you in a season of waiting?

Do you feel God calling you out of something?

Maybe God is asking you to do something that you are afraid will hurt you?

 

I know from personal experience that obedience can be painful at times....but hang on friends! Don't. Give. Up! God will use your obedience to bless you beyond your wildest dreams!

 

Wherever you are right now...remember that God is going to work all things out for the good! (Romans 8:28)

He tells us that in His Word...and He is faithful!

 

 

Oh how He loves you and me!!!!

 

Love,

Mechel

 



Our Story of forever love

 On 12-1-2014 Nylah Elizabeth Yekzaman officially became my forever love.

So many people have asked me to share a little bit about our story so I thought I would take a few minutes to try and describe what God has done in my life through this little girl.

 In November of 2013 I was sitting at church listening to several people give their testimonies on foster care and adoption. I felt God tugging on my heart strings...but I also felt very inadequate to even think about taking on such a big task.

I told myself there was no way I could do what God was asking of me because I was single, lived in an apartment and worked full-time. I reasoned with myself that the tug on my heart was only me being "emotional" and that it wasn't really God calling me to action.

After church and days later I could not stop thinking about fostering a child. I decided to take the first step and call DHS.

When I called them they told me there was "NO WAY" I could foster a child because I lived in a one bedroom apartment and any child would need their own room.

"Perfect!" I thought...this was my way out! This was my sign from God that He was not calling me to action...just to pray and help out those who were fostering.

Little did I know that God was not saying "NO WAY"...He was saying, "NOT YET".

Months went by and I really began to believe that my duty was just to pray for children in need since I couldn't help them by fostering or adopting.

I thought God had closed the door.

In February 2014 He decided to open the doors in a very unexpected way.

I was sitting at work one afternoon and my good friend Tracy Porter came into my office with one of our coworkers Megan.

Tracy had heard me talk about fostering in the past and she new how much I wanted to one day adopt a baby. Megan had come into Tracy's office that day and asked Tracy if she would be willing to foster her niece who needed a new foster home. Tracy has three children of her own and she knew she could not foster...but she remember me!

Tracy rushed Megan back to my office and when she opened my door the first words out of her mouth were, "Mechel...I found your daughter!"

I wasn't quite sure what she was talking about...until she had Megan explain to me that she was hoping that I would be interested in fostering her little niece.

She told me her name was Nylah.

 

I don't think it happens too often that someone from work randomly asks you to foster a baby...so I took this as a sign from God that He was laying this at my feet.

I wanted to shout from the rooftop...but then I remembered what DHS told me months ago..."NO WAY".

I was still in a one bedroom and Nylah would need her own place to sleep.

I wanted to just throw in the towel and tell Megan no...

I didn't want to call and get rejected again by DHS...

I didn't want to have my hopes rise to the highest levels and then crash at the words of man...

But then I remembered God has a sovereign plan of His own! He placed this at my feet and no matter the outcome...I was called to be faithful.

So the very next day I called Nylah's case worker.

She told me that because Nylah was still under a year old she could keep her crib in my room until she was one and be able to stay with me.

I couldn't believe it!

I knew that God wanted me in this little girl's life and I truly believed that He was going to clear the path.

On March 17th 2014 Nylah was dropped off at my house at 9:47 in the morning.

She has been with me every day since and my heart has never been the same.

I have learned so many lessons during this journey.

I learned that when God closes a door...it doesn't mean that He is closing it for good. God knows what is best for us and His timing is so perfect. In seasons of waiting He is strengthening us in the trust department!

I learned that being a mommy is really hard work! (seriously...props to all the moms with more than one baby...HOW DO YOU DO IT???)

I learned that you shouldn't wear black shirts during runny nose season. (Gross)

I learned that you DON'T get off nap schedule...

I learned that you don't get in a busy check out line at the grocery store before baby has had her dinner...(lesson learned my friends!)

I learned that children are so pure and don't hold a record of wrongs.

I learned the true meaning of "being a parent is hard work".

I learned that my family and friends are the most supportive and selfless people on the planet.

I learned that there was a man who was willing to love me and love Nylah as his own. His name is Hayden Young! God has restored and renewed our relationship and I am so in awe each time I see him love and care for my sweet girl!   

I also learned and appreciated on a deeper level the beauty of being adopted as a daughter of the King. God chooses us and redeems us to Himself as adopted sons and daughters!

 

Are you in a season of waiting?

Has God closed the door on something you believed He was calling you to?

I want to encourage anyone that reads this that you should use this season of waiting to grow your faith and press in to the Lord. It doesn't mean that He will open the door...but by pressing in...He will give you the strength you need to get through anything!

Is God calling you to do something and you don't feel adequate?

Friends...none of us are able to do things in our own strength. Take the step of faith with the Lord's help and He will carry you through!

 

"Call to Me and I will answer and tell you great and hidden things that you have not known" Jeremiah 33:3

 

Oh how He loves you and me!

 



Honesty...Honestly

I am going to be really honest in this blog. (oh brother)

Sometimes as a Christian it is hard to be honest and transparent about struggles and battles we face...because sometimes we want to uphold an appearance or seem stronger to people than we really are...or we are afraid we will be judged by people for goodness sake!

I want to be honest though...
I want to be transparent with battles and reality because I believe that if I don't then how in the world could anyone relate to me...
God has been teaching me through His Word and through people that I have been talking to that we have to be open and honest about the battles and at the same time share the open and honest truth about the victory we can find with God's help to overcome them.


So here we go...

One of the things I struggle with is the back and forth game of trying my hardest to follow the Lord.
Let me explain...
I really want to do all God has called me to do. Sincerely I do...but there is so much of the world around me that sometimes I drown out God with those things.

I know this might seem small to some of you (and it is not my biggest struggle) but I wrestle with watching regular TV shows that would be appropriate for my heart and mind. I have been watching Greys Anatomy for YEARS! I love the drama, intensity, love stories and the plot that always seems to unravel and catch me off guard! (if you are into TV dramas you get what I mean when I say "jaw dropping plots")

However, each time I  would watch it I would feel the gentle nudging of the Holy Spirit telling me that this is not good for my heart and mind. There are some very inappropriate messages that are conveyed on the show...some very inappropriate scenes that are shown and some language that should not be used.
So why do I continue to watch it...?
To be honest...I like it!
Our nature is pulled to things like that! Why do you think reality TV shows with drama, sex and violence are so big now days...because our nature is attracted to those very things.
As a Christian though...when we ask Christ into our hearts to save us and change us from our old ways...we are taking on a New Nature...His nature!

For a long time I used to think that it was a burden to try and always be perfect and not do anything that was worldly so I could stay in tune with what God called me to do...

I felt like I had to be so careful and I was accused of being "legalistic" when I would give things up. (I hate that word by the way...) It felt like I couldn't win!

I am going to be real with you...it was weighty and I always felt guilty when I failed to live up to what I knew God wanted me to do.
Over time and after looking back I have recognized that I was doing it all in my own strength and I was doing it begrudgingly.

Kind of like if you have ever begrudgingly bought a gift for someone you love but you do it out of anger and frustration instead of love.
Your heart is not in the right place.

For me...what I realized is that my heart was never in the right place. I felt like God was asking too much out of me.
I live right...
I help people...
I serve faithfully...
I give and tithe...
So why would He ask me to give up something as simple as watching certain TV shows?

In the end God has shown me that He wasn't asking me stop those things to make my life harder. He gently and lovingly asks us to stay away from those things because He knows that it will protect our minds and hearts!

When I realized that... I started questioning if this show was really good for my heart and mind...
Instead of looking at it like God was trying to take something away I began to see it from a new perspective...God was trying to lead me away from things that would not lead to my Joy.
The show is entertaining...but is it beneficial for my heart?
The answer is NO.

Maybe you don't agree and that is okay. If I would have read this blog three weeks ago I would have disagreed too.
I still struggle with things that God is asking me to stop or start...I just wanted to post this to share with others and remind myself that when God calls us to do something it is to lead us to greater joy...even if for a short time it seems painful!

Maybe you are wrestling with some things that you feel God nudging you to move away from...
Maybe it is an addiction to something...
Maybe it is to stay away from a relationship...
Maybe it is how you spend your money...

He might even be calling you to step forward in an area...
Maybe to move forward in an area of ministry...but you are afraid.
Maybe it is to move forward with a job or a move...
Maybe to be more active and exercise more for your health...
Maybe it is to spend more time with your kids..
Maybe to start a new relationship that God has set before you but you are scared...

Whatever or wherever you feel like God is leading you I pray that you would surrender to His call.

It is not always easy...but it will lead to Joy!


Matthew 11:29-30 are words from Jesus that says, " Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Oh how He loves you and me!

Adoption

Baby N

I have been asked a lot of questions lately about my decision to foster and adopt baby N. So I wanted to answer some of the questions in my blog.
To start, I do not mind the questions. In fact, I love when people ask questions because it is an opportunity to share with others what God has done in my life through this little girl.

One of the most common questions that people ask me is...."aren't you single?"
I am not sure what their mindset is behind that question, but most of the time people seem confused when they ask this....kind of wondering why I would do this as a single woman.
My answer each time I am asked this is, "Yes...I am single." I then go on to unpack the statement by explaining that when God calls you to do something you better not question what He has asked you to do. Of course sometimes you step out and your are fearful. I know I was at first. I went from a single 31 year old woman with what I thought were responsibilities at the time (if you are a parent you get that statement) to having a 9 month old in a matter of days after accepting God's call. I am sure all parents can relate to the fear of not doing something right...or raising them right...or giving them enough. My fears were...will I be able to let her go if this doesn't lead to adoption? Will I be able to be a mom and dad and do it well like so many other single parents? Will I be able to provide for her if this does lead to adoption?
In the end the choice to move forward and obey God's calling was clear. No matter how many fears I had I knew that it was safer to be in God's will then to walk away because of fear. I learned a big lesson through being obedient. I learned that just because we follow God's will does not mean that the fears will instantly leave. You have peace in knowing that this is right choice...but you have to daily lay your life and heart before the Lord to ask Him for peace and guidance through the journey!

Another question people ask me is, "don't you want to have your own?"
Now...I understand why people would ask this question, but I humbly present to them that the although I did not carry N or give birth to her...if the Lord blesses me and allows me to adopt this sweet baby she will be my own. I would simply like to say that if God chooses for me to have more children then I will be open to His call in whatever manner He brings them to me!

Do you think it is going to be harder to find a man that will accept this "situation"?
 (I laugh a little on the inside when I hear this one) Well... first of all this is not a "situation"...this is a blessing. If any man considers it anything less than a blessing he is just not for me. Nothing at all against the guy...some people are not called to this path. And that is okay. We all have different gifts and are called to different things. But if a guy is interested in me and understands my heart and passion to live out the calling that God has placed on my life then he will walk alongside me in this journey.
I think we sometimes forget that Jesus was adopted. Joseph chose to adopt Jesus as his son when Mary had him and lived as his earthly father. I find comfort in this because Joseph chose to walk by Mary's side and took Jesus in as an adopted son! Had he chosen a different path he would have missed out on Jesus!  I want to remind people that ask me this question that I believe my purpose in life is not to be married or have children. It is to live out what God wants for me...and I believe that in doing that everything else will fall into place. If that means to live single and adopt 8 or 9 babies (whoaaaa just kidding) then that is what I will do. If that means get married...then I know and have faith that God will bring a man that has the same desire to live serving and caring for orphans.


 My choice to adopt baby N has taught me so much about the beauty of God's grace and redemption. I look at my salvation and adoption into the family of God in such a different light now. We are all adopted sons and daughters of a loving Father and I am so thankful that God chose me to love and care for N.

Oh how He loves you and me!!!







Wanting more...

I have found that on a daily basis one of the hardest things in life is wanting more...

Maybe not everyone is willing to admit this...but it is such a common theme in society today.

We want more money....
We want a husband or a wife...and when we get that... we want more out of the relationship.
We want more for our kids and we fear not giving it to them...
We want a better job...
We want a better home....
We watch reality TV shows and wish we had more like the people in the shows...

We get so caught up in the "I want more" life...

I will be the first in line to admit I struggle with this problem.

Here are just a few of mine...

I worry that as a single mom I won't be able to give baby N all the love she needs.
  I want more for her. I want her to know the love of a dad and feel the safety, security and protection that a father offers...

I want to eat carbs without gaining weight for goodness sake!!! (okay come on...I had to throw that in there)

I want more money to take care of college savings...and diapers...and diapers...and well if you have a toddler...you know diapers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want successfully serve in ministry, be a good mom, thrive in my career and find time to exercise and invest in the lives of my family and friends.

I also want to learn how to cook...and by cook I mean cook something that tastes good :)

So how do I get past all the "wants" in life...??
I mean...it is not like they are bad wants....right?

 What I have been learning as I seek out God's plan for my life is that the "wants" in life can't compare to the blessings that He has given me.
Maybe that sounds like a "church" answer...but I ask you to take 5 minutes and focus only on the blessings you have in life.

Here are some of mine...
I have been waiting for 32 years to be a mom...and out of God's faithfulness in a few short weeks I will hopefully be the mommy of a little girl!
 I have an amazing job that gives me the flexibility to take care of my little girl..
I can see and hear and smell and I am don't struggle with health problems like so many other have to do on a daily basis...
I have a great family and I am the prettiest one in the family ( #truthhurts)

 There is an old song that I used to sing in church. I think it was called "Count Your Many Blessing" and it says, "count your many blessings name them one by one. Count your many blessings see what God has done". 
I know that in the really hard times of life it can be so difficult to think on the blessings of life...but those are the very moments that if you reach down deep inside and remind yourself of a couple things God has blessed you with...you can begin to drown out the darkness and let the light of hope shine through!

I heard it said one time that comparison is the thief of joy. This statement is so true...especially in a day and age when we all paint our lives as a pretty picture on a social media canvas. We see what other have and we find ourselves wanting more...

 My prayer for myself and for anyone who reads this is that you will begin to find more in the blessings you have and promises God has for your future.

 I am not sure where you are at today or what you are hoping to have more of...
but I encourage you to count your blessings...name them one by one and see just how much you have been given!

Note: A great Scripture that I read for moments or seasons like this is
"But my God shall supply all your need
according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus"
Philippians 4:19 (KJV)


Oh how He loves you and me

Baby N

 This month Baby N turned a year and half old! Holy cow...where did time go?!?!

N has been with me since she was 9 and a half months old...and it seems like she has been with me forever.

Time has gone by so fast and at the same time it has seemed like an eternity as I wait to find out our future together.
One of the beautiful things about foster care is that you have the opportunity to care and love on children who need a safe place to land. A place to call home...if only for a little while.
One of the most gut wrenching things about foster care is that even though you know going into it that you will only hold these children in your arms a short amount of time...everything inside you fights against the idea of one day possibly having to say goodbye.

With baby N... I have been so humbled to know and develop a relationship with her birth mother.
It is such a strange feeling to share motherhood with another woman for the same child...and yet so unbelievably beautiful at the same time. God's fingerprints are all over this situation...and regardless of the outcome my life has been forever changed.

We have a big court date next week and we will then follow up with a REALLY BIG court date at some point in December. (details comings soon)
I ask that you say a prayer for me and N...but if you could...please say a prayer for N's birth mom. Pray for peace and comfort as we move forward.

When I was a little girl I always thought I would be married, have three kids and live in the country.
Today, I am single, fostering to adopt and living in the City.

Life is not what I expected, but it is much better than anything I could have ever dreamed!

The weight and the privilege of motherhood

One of the hardest things for me about being a mom is knowing that every thing I do will shape who my little girl will one day become.

GULP!

When I am moody...
What I eat...
How well I take care of myself...
How patient I am in situation with her... (standoff at dinner time with veggies)
What career path I take...
How much time I spend at night investing in her activities...(instead of getting the house organized while I still have enough energy to move)

Of course there are a bazillion other things that I could add to that list...but you get the idea.

I found myself carrying a heavy weight of guilt around my neck for weeks because of feeling like a failure as a mother.
I would lay awake at night crying that I didn't spend an extra ten minutes reading her a book before bed time.

I know that other moms go through this, but I didn't realize how weighty the privilege of raising a child could be.
A child's very existence and future depends on the choices we make!

So one night while I was laying in bed, emotionally eating, I had an epiphany.

I realized that all the pressure I was putting on myself was actually making things worse. I recognized that all I can do as a mom is give as much as I can, while always trying to be better, and then give myself grace and mercy for the times I fail.

Of course I still worry that one day she is going to turn out like me, dramatic and silly, but I know that all I can do is do my best.

I will try to give 100% to her, but I have to remember that the times I fail to give 100% God is going to give me enough grace and mercy to make up the difference.

I don't know if baby N will be dramatic and loud and silly like I am one day, but I do know and can count on that she will know 100% love...and I am counting on that being a good foundation for her future!

Baby N turns One!!!!

Baby N turned a year old today!

Today was met with many emotions coming at me from every direction.

My heart was spilling over with happiness that I was able to share this day with my sweet girl.

It was however also filled with deep emotions that a year ago today I was not with her the day she was born.
I did not hear her first cry...
Wipe her first tear...
I didn't sing her to sleep, pray over her at bedtime or cuddle her when she was sad...
I didn't hear her first laugh...
I didn't go to her first Doctor visit and comfort her when she was scared...

In fact, I don't even know the lady that was able to do those things with N because she was with another foster mom.

Last Saturday I was able to meet with baby N's tummy mommy and ask her questions about her labor and how this day was for her 1 year ago.
My heart cried as I listened to her tell her story...and I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and hug her.
My soul aches for Baby N's tummy mommy because I know this journey is a deep and painful one for her as well.
My prayer is that the love of the Father would be so rich and merciful that it would cover all of us during this time of uncertainty and transition.

Since meeting on Saturday we have been able to communicate over texts and she reached out to me yesterday for N's birthday! My hope is that even though this is difficult, she will see God's redeeming love and be able to have a relationship with me and N.


Although most of the day was filled with conflicting emotions...those feelings could not outdo the love and hope that I have for my sweet girl!

A year ago today I was not able to share in all her first moments, but from this moment on I hope to have the privilege to create special memories with my sweet baby girl.

Life is never quite like we would expect it to be....but there is always beauty in it!!!


Oh how He loves you and me!!!
Jeremiah 33:3 "Call to Me and I will tell you great and hidden things that you have not known"

Hey Mom!

Today after I picked baby N up from daycare I was putting her in her car seat and I asked her how her day had been. Of course she can't talk yet...but I looked in her big brown eyes and saw some tears starting to form...so I started to wonder what my sweet girl was feeling.

I also started to wonder what she might be thinking about daily.
This is my version of her thoughts.

Thoughts from Baby N

Hey mom, will you remember that even when you have a rough day at work...I have had a rough day at daycare! Will you be extra gentle with me and give me hugs?
Hey mom, I know you are tired and emotional, but I have to deal with impatient and tired teachers all day...so I need you to hug me and cuddle me when I am cranky. Even if I am screaming and you can't figure out why.

Hey mom, will you remember to pray with me before bed time. I can tell it makes a difference in the way I fall asleep. Your voice gets calm and it helps me to feel sleepy.

Hey mom, I know I am really slow...so could you be patient with me as I learn how to be a tiny human.

Hey mom, will you make sure to put your phone away during the hours of 5 and 8. I haven't seen you all day and I want to play with you and cuddle. I also just want you to hold me while I do absolutely nothing. Sometimes I am crying just because I want your attention mom.

Hey mom, please let me follow you everywhere! I feel safe when you are by me and I get sad and cry when you walk to another room. I am not being cranky...I just want to me with you mom.

Hey mom, can you please wake up faster at night when I am crying and I need a hug. I know you are sleepy...but I need a hug in the middle of the night.

Hey mom, can we take walks every night even when you are tired? I love to be outside...and I know you are sleepy sometimes....but I like to spend time looking around and exploring with you.

Hey mom, it is okay to cry when you don't know what to do. I don't know what to do either so we will learn together.

Hey mom, I don't like veggies.

Hey mom, can you please record the Thunder games since I go to bed early ;)

Hey mom, I know that I wipe my boogers on your shirt at really inconvenient times, but your shoulder is always in the right place at the right time for my runny nose.

Hey mom, I want to be held because that is how I love on you. I smile when you pick me up because I love when you hold me and kiss my face.

Oh and mom, one more thing....I am not old enough to buy you a Mother's day gift... so go get yourself a new pair of shoes from me!



I am sure every mother wonders what her baby is thinking from time to time. It is beautiful and at times overwhelming thing to know that the way we treat our children will shape who they are in the future. (gulp)
I fall short so many times and I have really learned so much about myself since baby N came into my life.
I love her and I love that children love with the most pure and innocent love. They hold no record of wrongs and just want to be with you.
I don't know what the Lord has in store for us...but I wake up each morning with joy knowing that I have one more day with my little love.

There is no sweeter thing in this world than the love of a child.

Oh how He loves you and me!!!!

Mama...oh my!

Tonight as I was giving baby N her bath she looked up at me and said, "Mama".

N has been saying "mama" and "baba" and little words here and there for several weeks.
I never really thought she was calling me mama...until tonight.

Tonight as she was sitting in the bathtub giggling about the bubbles she looked up at me...handed me a toy and said mama.


Something was different about the way she said it tonight.
 It was like her words finally connected to the meaning of what she was saying.

So of course...I cried. :)

I cried for a couple reasons.

I have always dreamt of being a mom. Like most girls I played house when I was little and planned out the names of my future kids.
As the years went by I watched as all my friends began to have children.

In my mid-twenties I began to get a little nervous that I was never going to have children of my own.

When I turned 30...well I thought that was soooo old and just started reserving myself to the idea that I would probably die alone. (hahaha! it was painful to face at the time...but funny to look back now and see how dramatic I was about it all)

After about a year of praying, seeking and letting go...I found myself in a season of rest.
I found rest...even in waiting.

I wouldn't say the longing or the ache to have children went away...I just realized that if I rushed God for something that was out of His timing I would never be able to enjoy life.

If I would have rushed God...I wouldn't have baby N.
Just two short years after my dramatic moment of feeling like my life was incomplete...a tiny baby girl looked up at me with her big brown eyes, bubbles in her hair and called me mama.
So worth the wait.


The second reason I cried...

When I heard that sweet baby girl call me mama...my heart was happy and sad all in the same moment.

To know that a child born by another woman calls me mama is a deep emotion to carry.

If this leads to adoption...will I be good enough for her?
If I adopt and never get married...will she be okay without a daddy?
If I get married one day...will he love her like I do?
if....If....IF!!!!!

Sometimes the voice of worry in my head tries to drown out the truth in my heart....

And the truth in my heart says that all I can do each day is love this little girl like she is my own, tell her that she is loved and be her mama until the Lord reveals His plan for our lives.


As a foster mom that cherishes being called mama...I can only imagine what our Heavenly Father must feel like when we call out to Him!
We are all adopted and loved!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!
Jeremiah 33:3

My first month with N

Well tomorrow makes one month that baby N has been with me!

Let me tell you it has been an amazingly wonderful adventure!!!

I love this little girl in a way simple words on a page can't express.


I have learned so much through this journey and I thought I would share just a little bit with everyone.

One of the biggest things I have learned from N is that LOVE is definitely an action.
I didn't realize how much physical activity goes in to caring for a little human!
Some of these physical activities include...but are not limited to:
Getting out of bed at unusual times to check on her...
Bending over countless times to pick up toys she fumbles and drops...
Mastering the "reach behind arm move" from the front seat to the back seat of the car to grab a bottle...
Dancing to music to play and make her laugh...
Taking long walks to get her out of the house for a change or scenery..
Jumping up quick and sprinting over to grab her before she pulls, grabs or knocks something over..
and rocking her to sleep (MY FAVORITE)

I am learning that when you love someone you WANT to do things for them even if it is not always the most fun thing you could be doing.

I have also learned a lot about myself.
Caring for her has really made stop and reflect on areas in my life that I need to work on for her sake...and mine!

Caring for a little human has really made look at how patient of a person I am.
YIKES!
If you know me at all you will know that I am always early, I like to get things done fast and I don't have much patience for people that don't have that same attitude. ( I know that sounds bad...but seriously...hurry up people!)
Well... now that I have an 11 month old I am learning how important it is to have patience in every of life. Babies do everything in "snail mode" so I have learned to just be patient and find the beauty in the moments that I have with her. If I try to rush through everything in life then I miss out on the special times I have with her.

Our first month has had so many great moments and I wish so bad that all of you could see her sweet little face!!!
Please be in prayer for us in the next couple months as the opportunity for adoption will be presenting itself.
There are so many variables to this equation, but I am trusting that God has complete control and I  will prayerfully leave it in His hands.


If anyone reading this is considering fostering or adoption...I want to encourage you to take the steps to move forward! Make the choice to care for someone that needs love!


We are all adopted sons and daughters of a Father that loves us and chooses us daily!
Oh how HE loves you and me!!!

A week with baby = Humbled

So my first week as a foster mommy is complete.

WOW!

First, I want to give a big shout out to all the moms and dads out there!
I think I have hit every emotion possible this week!

I have been very humbled by several things and I want to share some of those things because I can truly see now how much moms and dads do each day! (you never really know until you step into someones shoes)


1. I used to ask my girlfriends that had babies to go out for a quick bite to eat with me and they would say, "I am not sure that will work with baby's schedule". I never understood that! I would think to myself..."okay just put them to bed at a different time!"
Humbled big time on that idea! Schedules are important and I have had to say no three times to different friends this week that wanted to meet for dinner to keep baby N on her schedule.

2. HOW do people have more than one???? Parents are truly heroes man! I remember when my sister had three little babies to take care of and she would be pooped out at the end of the day. I never understood why a "stay at home parent" would be tired at the end of the day!(don't judge me for thinking that...I just never understood)  Boy was I humbled on that! I think I fell asleep three times this week in my work clothes and shoes still on...and I only have one!

3. Patience- If you know me well you will know that I am inpatient person. I like to do things fast and get things done. Soooo this week I learned that my schedule is not "my" schedule anymore.
I used to wonder why my mom friends wouldn't just meet me for 30 minutes at the gym and change their schedule. Yep I get it now why they didn't meet me :) I was so humbled by the patience I have seen in so many of my mom and dad friends out there!

4. I never understood why parents would say, "I haven't even had time to eat today."
I thought, why don't they just sit down and eat when the baby is eating.
I think I have lost ten pounds this week and I haven't even had time to step foot in the gym :)(I guess that is a good thing kinda) With work and baby time I don't even realize until the sun goes down what time it is! :)

5. Single parent homes. I realize that even in a two parent home it is hard and sometimes one parent carries the load of two people, but man....I have really developed a deep appreciation for all the single parents out there! I have two good friends at work that I love and admire for how they care for their boys and work like crazy to make a good life for them!

There are so many other things I have learned this week that I am sure most all parents can relate to, but I just wanted to share some of the things I feel humbled about.

Although the week has been tiring and challenging at times, I adore and love this sweet little girl that God placed in my life.
Her smile makes my heart melt and her giggle can erase the stress from a long day of work.

I am so thankful for all the parents and friends out there that have helped me to get through this first week. I am also so in awe of how amazing and heroic parents truly are!
To each of my friends that are parents....you are amazing!!!!!


Oh how He loves you and me!

Thankful!!!!

Well...tomorrow is the day. I will be starting a new adventure to take care of a sweet little baby girl.

The purpose of this blog is to say thank you to everyone that has helped me get to this point!
I have spent this afternoon lifting all of my friends up in prayer that have sacrificed their time, money, prayers and given me unbelievable encouragement!

It is a beautiful thing to know that so many people are willing to help and offer their time to minister to a little baby who really needs love!

I want to say a special thank you to my family! Man...I definitely couldn't do it without their love and support.

I also want to thank all my friends who have prayed with me, given me advice (love all you moms and dads who have given me poop, booger and diaper advice) and have just spent time encouraging me!

Also, my church family at Coffee Creek has been so helpful and I couldn't be more blessed to be a part of this family!

I went on a walk the other day with my friend Suzanne and she reminded me that it takes a village to raise a child...and thankfully I have some amazing friends who are helping me!

I do not know how long baby N will be in my life, but I do know that I wouldn't have been able to make it without the love and support from the people in my life! One of the best things about bringing foster children into my home is knowing that they will get to meet and be loved by the people I love!


With an overwhelming heart of gratitude and humility... thank you for your help, love, support and prayers! I am blessed to have each of you in my life!

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 6:38


This picture above is me holding one of my favorite gifts for baby N!
BOOKS!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Ohhh and my hand in the picture looks like the hand from The Adams Family! Gross!!! :)

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

An Unconventional Family

Ten months ago a young girl was giving birth to a baby girl.

Ten months ago I had no idea what God had in store for my life.


Do you ever think about how each decision you make changes your life and the life of so many others around you?

I find it so crazy that each decision I make can have a huge impact (good or bad)  on my future and the future of the people I know and love.

I know I have made some bad choices in my past that have hurt my family.
I know that I have wasted so much time and energy on "me" that I have forgotten to care for the people that need me.

When I look back at the bad decisions I made and see how those decisions brought me to the joy, happiness and peace that I now live in... it is crazy to me!

Each time I made a bad decision or wrong choice I felt a big weight of guilt and regret.
For all the times I wasted doing things that were not beneficial to my future...I felt frustrated that I gave up so much time and energy and delayed my hopes and dreams of what I wanted in the future.

For the last couple months God has been teaching me that all of these things, good or bad, have been used to bring me to where I am at today.

I can choose to look on them as negative experiences, or I can choose to look at my past, all the way back to the decisions I made in high school, and recognize that God has used all things for His good and mine.
I didn't always recognize that during painful moments...because lets face it...it is hard to see that anything good can come when we are living in pain.

But He reminds me over and over and has taught me that in fact good can come from pain!
The process is a long and difficult journey.
We have to make a conscience decision after moments of pain and struggle to pick ourselves back up and somehow find beauty from our pain. That doesn't mean we are saying what happened to us is good or that we are thankful for the grief we are feeling, but no matter what has happened we have no choice but to move forward and make good choices so we can enjoy our future!

For so long I made choices in my life based on what "I" wanted and things never worked out. It wasn't until God closed every door that I believed I should be walking through that I realized His plan for me was greater and better than what I thought I wanted.

The road has been bumpy over the years, but I am so thankful that God used every decision and every choice I made to bring me to this place and time.

I believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts as we seek Him. My desire was always to have a family. His desire for me was to give me that dream in a completely different way than I would have ever expected.

Do you regret choices you have made in your past?

Please take it from me that living in the past does not allow you to move forward into your future.
God has big things in store for each of us and He wants to use our love, passion, past decisions and current circumstances to propel us forward and to touch the lives of people all around us.

I don't have it all figured out and I still don't make the best choices...but I have peace with my past and know that without God closing so many doors I would not have made the decisions to move forward with becoming a foster parent.

Although it might seem like an unconventional family to a lot of people, to me, it is exactly the family He was preparing for me!

I don't know how many children I will meet in this process or how long each of them will be in my life...but I can't wait to meet them and love them!

In His will...we find peace.


Oh how He loves you and me!
Jeremiah 33:3

You are amazing!

You have so much to offer this world!


I believe that God created all of us with a deep desire to do something great while we are blessed to be here on earth.
A lot of times we look at other people that are doing big things and wish that we had the time and resources to do those things too.

Some of us aspire to do great things all of our lives and begin to feel discouraged when we don't see fruits produced from our labor.

I talked to a sweet lady this week and she was really discouraged that she hadn't done more "great things" in her life.

While she was talking to me her little girl ran up to her and grabbed her leg and hugged her. She gently touched her daughter on her head and whispered in her ear to use her quiet voice because she was talking to someone.

In that moment I saw her great accomplishment.

As her daughter walked away I looked at my friend and reminded her that the greats things in this life are the simple acts of kindness, love and hope that we give to people each day.
Those simple acts of kindness shine a bright light in a dark world.
I reminded her that the sacrifice she makes each day to get up and go to work and give her life for her daughter is a great accomplishment! She can leave a legacy of love for her family.

There are so many people in my life that I notice each day that succeed in accomplishing great things that they might not even recognize.

I work with a lady that no matter when I see her...my heart smiles. She makes me laugh and she is so real. She works so hard and I can see how much love she has for her daughter.
That is a great thing!

I am blessed to know and work with a girl that has experienced great loss in her life. Each day I see her I am empowered and encouraged to live my life with greater passion and purpose because of the way she gives and lives. She shows up to life each day, no matter the loss she has faced, and inspires people to help others. She could just give up and shrink back, but she chooses to fight and make a difference in this world. That is a great thing!

I see a man holding the door for a woman....
I hear someone encouraging a friend who is discouraged...
I see a mom give up her money so her child can have something nice...
I watch as a husband selflessly gives up his time for the future of his wife and kids...

Those are great things!

You have the opportunity each day to do great things while you are here.
It could be as simple as paying for someone's coffee behind you in the Starbucks line...
It could be taking five minutes to call someone who needs to laugh...
It could be cleaning the ice off someone's car...

You might not have a spotlight, but I promise you that when you give of yourself and love people authentically those smalls acts become great treasures in someones life!

Never feel like you don't have anything to offer...you are more than enough and someone in this world needs your love!

Oh how He loves you and me!!!

LOVE LOVE LOVE

Tonight I was sitting in my apartment looking at pictures of my friends and family and I started to tear up.

I am blessed to know so many great people!
Despite all these amazing people... I have longed for more in my life. (not proud of that fact)

More stuff, more money, unlimited amounts of money to spend on shoes (of course!), to own a Starbucks, to meet Russell Westbrook and beat him in basketball(or just talk to him actually), to accept a Grammy, to run a 5k and not want to vomit, and to be maybe just one inch taller!

No really...I have to be serious when I say that just six months ago I was really just spinning my wheels to get somewhere and I wasn't taking the time to really just enjoy the people in my life and marvel at how God has blessed me with relationships that mean more than having the chance to play basketball with Russell Westbrook...uhhhh...well maybe not that dream in particular ;) (just kidding...kinda)

I am really ashamed that I was so focused on me. I LOVE people and did not even realize I wasn't thanking God and living out that thankfulness for the special people He placed in my life.

I have some of the dearest, sweetest, loving parents that anyone could hope for in this world! (if you know them then your heart understands what I am saying)
I have two sisters and a brother that would give up just about anything if I needed them.
I have two brothers-in-love that are so amazing to my sisters!
I also have the best three nephews in the world that love Jesus and aren't afraid to share it!(love boldness in the younger generation...especially when they are my boys! #proudaunt)
I have two really special best friends that I know God gave me on purpose!

I also have so many dear people in my life that I work with, go to church with and minister with that I can't begin to imagine what life would be like without having known them!

I believe that God plans who we will meet.(this is so special if you think about it)
 After that meeting it is up to us to walk in grace, mercy and love to that person.(not always easy)

I have not always been the best friend, sister or daughter to the people in my life, but I realize now that that is all this life is about while we are here! Building relationships with the people we are so unbelievably blessed to know!
Looking back on some of my friendships that I have failed to live out this way I feel a heavy weight that I didn't give more. I am so thankful for a God that renews and restores what has been broken. The fact that He lovingly restores me to Him each time I fail and make a mistake propels me forward and gives me the passion to do it more for the people in my life.
His love is so rich...it is so true and so faithful. He created us to know Him...and in knowing Him we can learn how to live and walk in love even when it seems impossible! We will fail in attempting to do this alone...but with His help we might fail, but we will be able to get up and try again!


At any moment our money, careers, possessions and health can be taken from us. So when that reality hit me I realized that my joy can't be found in stuff. It can't be found in the people I love either...but it can be found in giving love to those people. 

Jesus walked this earth in love and His purpose was to restore people to Him so that they could live in true peace and walk in that same love towards others!

Each day that we are given we have an opportunity to impact the life of someone we know!

I know that so many of my friends have touched my heart and left an imprint on my soul that won't be forgotten! I pray that I can live out each day loving others the way they have loved me and the way that God loves us!

Is there someone special in your life that you need to share with them how much you love them?
Is there someone that you talk to everyday that you could just love on to make them feel a taste of God's goodness?

I pray that God helps me to be a better representation of His love each day!

Oh how He loves you and me!

(P.S. If anyone reading this knows Russell Westbrook...please hook me up with a meeting!)

A baby.....

For a long time I have wanted to have a family.

I have dreamed of the day that I would get married and have children.
After years of dating and God closing the door I have often found myself wondering if a family would ever be possible.

To be honest, I was really discouraged by this for a couple years and had a big fat pity party on several occasions. As time went on I really tried to see things from a different perspective.
I had a good friend tell me that I needed to live in purposeful patience during my time as a single woman.

As hard as that was...I knew I needed to take that advice.

I began to look at my life and I realized how focused I was on "me". I realized I was constantly telling myself that I could only be happy in life if I was married and had children. Then I thought ...well...if that never happened in my lifetime would that mean that I was just destined to be miserable??

I knew in that moment that my focus in life had to be on other people and not myself.

As I began to find ways to help other people I really started to find great joy in my life again.
I began to truly find great significance in the fact that I was single and had time to take someone to coffee, spend time in missions and just going to do what I wanted when I wanted.(moms don't get too much "me" time...if you are a mom you know what I mean)
I started to focus on the relationships with my friends more and realized that God had blessed me with friends that I could definitely call family.
Right about the time I began to feel very satisfied in life I attended a church service and the Pastor was speaking on foster care. I have always loved children, but the idea of foster care had never crossed my mind.
As the Pastor continued to tell stories I felt a tug in my heart. ( you know that feeling you get when you just know you are supposed to help)
After church that day I began the process of moving forward with foster care.
It has been a long process and there have definitely been some roadblocks in the way, but God has been faithful to bring my desires of having children into my life in a way that I would have never imagined!

Next week is a big week for me. My heart is so excited and hopeful that God will be placing a little girl in my life within the next couple weeks. It is not a for sure thing yet, but I am hopeful.
It is an emotional journey and definitely an adventure that I would never have experienced without seeking to pursue the purpose God had for me.

It is so funny to look back on life and see the things you hoped for and realize that God was orchestrating something even better than you could have expected!

It is not easy to wait and be patient when you ache for something in life, but patience and faithfulness always pay off in the end.

What are you waiting for in life?
A better job?
A husband or wife?
Fill in the blank______________

Start with purposeful patience.
Focus on the good that you have in this life and focus on how you can help someone else. You will begin to lose sight of your problems and you will experience joy in areas of your life that you did not expect.

I can't wait to see who God brings into my life to make the dream of a family a reality!


Oh how He loves you and me!!
Jeremiah 33:3

A story from Africa

 Last night I was thinking back to some of the mission trips I have been on over the years.

One of the most memorable moments from one of my trips was to a little village in Africa. I went with an Organization called Maisha International. This was my first time to Africa and at the onset of the trip I was really not nervous. I was thankfully provided with complete peace from the Lord before leaving.
I went with some amazing people that I am so unbelievably blessed to know and honored to serve with on that trip.
After arriving everything seemed so crazy and rushed...and I lost sense of time. The trip was planned perfectly, but I felt overwhelmed by everything my eyes were witnessing. It take a heavy toll on a person to see others suffering.
Children were walking in slums with no shoes....
Women were dying from diseases that could be easily cured if they lived here...
Nothing was so overwhelming for my heart as the time me and a couple other people from the group went out on home visits.
I can remember each moment of that day...
The sun was shining down so hot that afternoon. I was ill prepared for this day because I had forgotten my sunscreen. As we drove along the bumpy dirt road in our van my mind started to think of what I was getting ready to witness. I started to pray to God for strength and for the words to say in moments I knew would be tough. As our van came to a stop I felt my heart begin to race as I stepped out into the warm sunlight.
All I could see for miles was a sun scorched land. In the distance there were little mud huts.  As we began to walk towards the huts I noticed several of the village people coming towards us.
A small woman, probably in her late 60s with skin so beautifully dark and hands worn from working in the fields came towards me with her hands extended towards heaven. At first I thought she was crying. To be honest, I was unsure how respond at first. As she came closer to me I realized she was calling out praises to God in her language for our arrival.
Before I knew what was happening she got down on her knees and bowed at my feet and grasped my hand and kissed it with such a deep sincere affection. In that moment I could not contain the emotion and tears that began to warmly cascade down my face. I grasped her hand in return and kneeled down beside her to meet her gaze. I knew not how to speak her language and she did not know mine...but in that moment our eyes told so much of what our hearts wanted to say. I reached across to hug this beautiful woman and she pulled me close and said something in my ear that I did not understand. As we stood to our feet she pointed towards a little mud hut that was about 50 yards away from where we stood. Everyone in our group began to walk towards the hut. As I turned away from her to follow the group I felt my heart ache in a way I had never felt before. What did she say to me  in my ear I wondered...
What was her story...
Why was she pointing to this little hut that we were headed towards...
I turned back towards her to gain a final look into her eyes before we were too far away and my heart melted as she gave me the sweetest smile and waved my onward.
Her strength and humility gave me strength to march on towards our next stop.
God had ordained that meeting with that sweet woman to prepare my heart for who I would meet next.
As I caught up with the group they were all standing outside of the little mud hut.
Who would I find inside?
With a prayerful heart, a new found sense of strength and tear filled eyes I stepped into the tiny hut ready to see who the lady was pointing us toward.
I could not have been prepared for who I would meet next...

Wisdom from the Kardashians!

So I was flipping through the channels today while dealing with a sore throat and I landed on Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I have never really watched the show and I decided to watch it to see why everyone likes it so much.
They have a super extravagant lifestyle, very expensive taste and LOADS of drama. I am not gonna lie...for some reason I was really intrigued and couldn't change the darn channel!
I mean seriously, I would love to have someone fix my hair and be able to take my girlfriends on a fun trip at anytime.
On this particular show the family was on a vacation in Greece and they spared no expense to have a good time. The girls were dressed in a different outfit for almost every camera shot and they were spending money on everything! That was not the reason I couldn't change the channel though. I couldn't change the channel because I kept hearing them say that they couldn't seem to find their happiness. One of the daughters was talking to her mom and she said that she was sad for her sister because she knew she wouldn't find her happiness until she had her baby. The mother agreed and said that she hoped each of her children would find their happiness in something in life.
The sad part of that to me was not that they lived crazy lifestyles...I was saddened because with all that they have it still was not enough. They felt as if they needed to find happiness in a relationship, a child, expensive trips and things that won't last.
I began to realize why this show resonates with so many viewers now days. We all want so much in this life.
We think if we just had that job we would be happy...
We think if we could just get our hair done like that celebrity we would be happy...
We think that if we could just lose that 10 pounds someone would like us better...or maybe we would like ourselves better...
We think that if we could just get married to that "perfect person and have that perfect family" that we would be happy...
We think__________________________ <-------- fill in your "happy" here.
The thing about thinking all of this will make us happy is that nothing in this life lasts forever. It is great to have goals and dreams, but if your life can't be complete and happy without achieving some those things...you might end up living a pretty miserable life.
So how do you do you find happiness when you don't have exactly what you want in life?
Well, for me I have learned that life is not always going to be happy. Circumstances in life will get difficult and there will be times that things just don't go the way that you planned. This has taught me that you will never find lasting happiness in "things" or even people. You have to find JOY in your life in something that is lasting!
The only thing that is lasting is God's love for you! The relationship that you develop with Him will not only bring you happiness, it will bring you peace, joy and fulfillment as you walk through this life. That does not mean that life will always be easy, but it does mean that you can have confidence that even in the hard times you will still be able to have joy after the trials. Love your life and appreciate what God has given you. There is nothing wrong with loving a fabulous pair of shoes or going on a trip with your family. Just remember that things don't last forever...but His love is never ending!

Oh how He loves you and me!

Hard to Explain

Today at work we played Bible trivia. (It was during a break okay!)
Anyways, I started asking some questions from the Bible that you might have learned in Sunday School or Bible School as a child. The game went on for several minutes as we tried to stump each other on questions like, " can you name the 12 disciples" and, "how many years were there between the New and Old Testaments?"  The game was fun and reminded me of my childhood.
On my drive home tonight I started to think about how many people might really enjoy or appreciate the Word if they could understand the Bible and its rich history. I know that before I really started studying the Scriptures I didn't feel connected to the Bible because it was full of stories that did not really make sense. It was deep and confusing and at times overwhelmed me! I mean, seriously, how could I take stories from Scripture and apply them to my life now!?! I could listen to pastors explain the Bible....but I didn't know how to study the Bible on my own. I wanted to understand the Bible, since I said I believed it, but I found it very difficult. (I hope I am not the only one)
Because of my determined and competitive spirit I decided to get a Bible that included a commentary, which helped me to understand things better and also made all the stories finally connect and make sense!
I believe that most of us have a deep desire to understand, question and learn about what we believe. I also believe that sometimes life gets busy and crazy with work, family, friends and stresses that we often don't have the time or if we are honest, make the time, to invest in learning. I am not perfect and I have struggled in my consistency with studying and spending time just getting to know God. As I have studied His Word there have been things that confuse me and make me question. As I walk through this life and see innocent people treated like trash, loved ones die, and held the hands to pray with suffering people my heart cries out to God.."WHY??".  I want answers to the difficult questions so I seek them out in His Word. I have learned that there are no definite answers to some of the hard questions in this life. However, as I have studied the one thing that God reminds me is that this world will have trouble...but in the midst of all of that He will provide us with a peace that can't be explained. He uses the history in Scripture to remind us that in our pain He is a God that never gives up on His people. He is gentle and merciful and full of grace to those who are mad at Him and question Him.
Will we ever receive all the answers to our questions? No. The one thing I can promise you though is that as you seek the answers to your questions He will comfort, heal and provide you with all you need.
That sounds like a children's Sunday School answer I know...but then, what is so wrong with having childlike faith??

Are you angry at God about something that has happened to you in this life?
Are you confused and unsure how to study the Scriptures?
Are you anxious about the future and what will happen to you and your family?

Whatever you are facing my friend I promise that as you take the first step in seeking to know the Lord, He will reveal Himself to you. You might not gain the answers to the questions you seek, but I promise you will receive something even better!


If anyone reads this and would like some good books to read or suggestions on commentaries to help you study...PLEASE let me know in an email! I would love to help!

Oh how He loves you and me!
Jeremiah 33:3

Friends

I came to Barnes and Noble tonight prepared to write a blog on a topic that is very deep and thought provoking. I gathered my books on the topic, I ordered a Venti Latte with 3 shots and nestled myself into a back corner of the cafe ready to deliver a blog that would excite my audience! ( I know...I know I am being dramatic) Anyways, as I was sitting here preparing, two ladies, probably in their mid-seventies sat down next to me. They were both dressed in floral print sweaters and had their hair styled perfectly. Their faces were soft and gentle and they smelled like roses and Christmas all in one! They were drinking tea and shared an oatmeal cookie as they talked about their day. As I listened to them talk I found out that they had been friends for years. They talked about the past and laughed sweetly at memories and "the good old days". I tried not to be a creeper, but I was so interested in the details I kept hearing in their stories every once in a while. They went from laughing, to crying and they even reached across the table to hug each other. I found myself smiling at the sweetness of their friendship.
I came to the bookstore tonight to read books and gather some insight into a deep topic and instead I was pleasantly surprised at the inspiration I received from two ladies and their friendship.
Friendship is such an important thing to have with people. I have learned as a single woman that without some of my amazing friends I would never be able to make it each day. I am lucky enough to have several girlfriends in my life that I know no matter how long we go without talking that we can always come back to each other as strong as ever. These women from the bookstore reminded me tonight that you have to take time and invest in the people you love. There is nothing more important in this life than building relationships and showing care and concern for people. Take the time out of your schedule and spend it with someone you love. It can be as simple as going to the bookstore and sharing an oatmeal cookie over a cup of tea!
Never take moments for granted!

Oh how He loves you and me!
Jeremiah 33:3